Had a crap night last night. I'm sure you don't want to hear it, so feel free to ignore this post.

Tim wanted to go late night shopping (we haven't bought groceries in ages). I was nervous about upsetting Hannah's routine, but could really see the need to shop. So we went. OMG....what a mistake-a-ta-make-a.

She was fine at the shops in the hugabub (love my hugabub - couldn't live without it).

Then we got home and OMG it was ON!!!! She fed, screamed, fed, screamed some more (going purple in the face, tears streaming down her face - the whole works). She screamed pretty much solidly from 9pm until 1pm only stopping to assault my nipples (she got really agressive with them - clamping down and pulling them). Then she woke up every hour screaming. Now my nipples are sore, and I am tired and grumpy and doubting my ability to be a mother. I just can't stand the crying. I tried everything and nothing worked. In the end I had to leave her in her basinette, and just have my hand on her, letting her know I was there, listening to her scream while my heart broke - but it got to the point where I couldn't pick her up - I didn't want to touch her. There was nothing I could do. I feel so sorry for Hannah having an incompetent mother like me. She really lucked out there.

I think I'll just sit here and bawl. I feel so stupid thinking I could do this.