hi persephone. i was in the TWW forum with you last september! My little man (not so little 9lb 14oz) was born in june and i seem to have had every complication possible - poserior, not descended, needed rotating, foreceps, 3rd degree tear, hemaroids like the himalayas, trouble breast feeding initially. To be honest i think i needed some therapy after the birth, but 8 weeks later, i am feeling ok about it. Had my last check up with OB yesterday and asked him what he thought for next one if i should go for C-section to avoid all these risks, as at this stage i would be terrified of a repeat of all of the above. He said (of course) the decision is mine, but subsequent births are generally easier, but i think psychologically i will struggle. If i was looking like having another jumbo baby i would definitely go for a c section. I am worried about incontinence in the future and pelvic floor failure, and the impact on me of a similar delivery. That said i would want to do what was best for the baby, so very hard decision.

The recovery from a 3rd degree tear has definitely been harded than what i expected. I remember having visitors in the hospital and telling them to sit down and them saying, no no you sit down and me replying that i couldnt!! That combined with not having any milk for the first 5 days made me so emotional, i was ready to breakdown in tears every time someone even looked at me!

I never realised it would be like this - husband has been supportive though, so i feel not too bad about it. OB warned that whilst breast feeding, there is no estrogen in my system so i am like a menopausal woman hormonaly, and therefore very dry downstairs - if we are to attempt to DTD he recommended lots of lubricant. I told him i was still too scared to try sex and he actually wrote "too scared" on my file!!!

I researched 3rd degree tears on the internet for hours to figure out that i am not abnormal and that i shouldnt expect a miracle recovery (after i was sick of hearing girls at mothers group saying how wonderful their recovery was and they were back to doing the deed day and night).

As i said my major concern now is future births, but i keep reminding myself to put that aside and enjoy my beautiful boy while he is this age! Hope i helped.....!