Thanks for the kind words everyone. Im on my iphone so will do my best to remember everything:

* cycle - None yet and highly doubt its starting, took 18 months with my other two. Dont have any other symptoms to say otherwise e.g. no CM, increased libido, sensitive boobs.

* feeds - nothing has changed, no solids etc.

* friends, going clothes shopping etc - not possible, moved to a small town to be with my DP and clothes consist of Target Country. Have bought bits online including a dress I love but my boobs keep falling out of it Havent made friends here, many aren't anywhere near the kind of people I would want to be friends with (e.g. several people in my street drink often with kids around and DOCS pop around from time to time, let alone cops).

My man is soon to head off for the annual work conference for a week in northern qld somewhere amazing and thats on my mind amongst other things. As for me, I will have three school kids and bubba to take care of and I miss my friends and family closeby, especially while he's away with work. Feel in a cage a little here and crap about myself.

But, its been like this for a year, just now it feels very intense. I have an awesome guy, but I feel like I am not being my best for him feeling this way and dont want to do damage to that. Wish I didn't care about all the things that are troubling me.

Rouge - I honestly cant remember, but I did feel isolated with her and she was a very difficult baby and exh just worked non-stop. I lost shed loads of weight because I rarely got to feed myself. But I wasnt happy.