Debate - Raising your kids with religion

[Michelle71]

We will be raising our children in the Christian faith (believing in God and Jesus) but not necessarily in a particular religion (but mainly RC). We will be teaching this is our belief, but that other people believe differently, and that is ok too.

IMO - you need to raise your children with what you believe in yourself, your truth. That does not preclude you from teaching the theory behind other religions and beliefs (eg creation and evolution) and the underlying principles of love, tolerance and respect.

I love this Limeslice - I too would hope that our children find a belief or a path that gives joy, love, comfort, energy and hope.

[butterfly_warrior]

Boobaloo, I do not believe that my religion is the way, the truth and the life. I believe Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. I do not believe that my christian denomination is the only way to Jesus - I place myself in that denomination more so because I believe it holds closest to the core truths of christianity without (to my mind at least) too many non-biblical extras.

I can't see how I can tell my child it's ok for him to become atheist, pagan, hindu or buddhist, etc, when my beliefs are that the only way to be saved is through Jesus. How can I go against the grain of my faith and values and tell my child it's ok for him to remain unsaved?

I will admit that I can see where you are coming from in cases like the Duggar family - but they are only bringing up their children with the beliefs that are important to them. Just because those beliefs are different to yours doesn't mean their children have no right to be taught them. For you to have the right to teach your children about freedom of choice and respect, other families need the right to teach their children what they hold dear - whether that conflicts with your freedom of choice or not.

BW

[Phteven]

We all want what is best for our children. If anyone has a deeply held religious faith they will believe that holding that belief is what is best for their children and that if their children do not hold these beliefs that they will not be so happy as if they did hold them.
Most parents of faith would believe that raising their children without faith would be a profoundly unkind thing to do to that child. That doesn't mean that we should teach them to disrespect other religions in fact in my religion respect for other religions and their buildings is explicit. If we insult another person's faith and they in turn insult ours then that is regarded as our fault.
So yes, I intend to raise my children in faith but no I don't wish to raise them in intolerance.

[Rouge]

Most faiths do believe they are the one true religion otherwise they wouldn't be part of that faith. Does that mean they have to be intolerant to other faiths or teach hate? Of course not, and most people I know who are devout to their faith are not like that AT ALL! There are always going to be people who look down at others, and thats not specific to religion.

My DD goes to a Catholic school, we are not devout Christians, in fact we aren't even Christians. But we are raising our daughter and our son to experience parts of the Catholic faith as a base for religion. A lot of people would and have challenged us on this, and find it to be "wishy washy" but we have our reasons and we are happy with that.

As for the Santa thing, if there were a child at school who told everyone that Santa wasn't real, I would deal with that in the same way that I would if a child who wasn't religious said that. Its really not a big deal to me. And I've actually had the "Santa doesn't visit every house" talk with DD. She understands that some people don't believe in Santa, and so therefore he doesn't visit them. But its not a bad thing, its not because they are bad, its just because thats what they believe and thats Ok. I think if you are going to teach your child about Santa, it really is your responsibility to teach them that not every house has Santa. Just like not every house eats the same food or wears the same clothes. Its another part of tolerance.

The thing that always makes me laugh, is the idea its only people who are religious who "push their views", but yet when people push this view on others or push their anti views on others they are in fact doing the same thing. Tolerance doesn't mean you need to not have any beliefs, some of the most intolerant people I have ever met have had no faith or spiritual base. And just because one person may have given you a bad impression about a religion doesn't mean you need to judge the faith, judge the person sure but not the entire faith. Thats not fair.

As for judging a person for their faith. I think thats extremely intolerant. What a person decides to believe and how they choose to live their own lives within their home is their own choice. Provided they are not abusing their children, or breaking the law it really isn't up to us to judge. Judging them is as I said above no different to a religious person calling one a heathen because they don't follow a similar faith to them.

I love all my friends, of different faiths and different cultures. And I feel blessed to have them a part of my life and to share with me different aspects of their faith. And you know what, not once have I ever felt as though I am being "converted" or made to feel bad for my lack of faith. And I have taken part in many celebrations and aspects of other faiths and I intend on teaching my children all the things I have learnt and more.

[AngelPunks]

As for judging a person for their faith. I think thats extremely intolerant. What a person decides to believe and how they choose to live their own lives within their home is their own choice. Provided they are not abusing their children, or breaking the law it really isn't up to us to judge. Judging them is as I said above no different to a religious person calling one a heathen because they don't follow a similar faith to them.

I get a lot of judgement because of my faith, yes I'm open about it, mainly so that people can see that people of the pagan path and those that are witches etc aren't freaks of nature who sacrifice goats and babies etc. I'm also open to people asking questions and I'll explain to the best of my knowledge (and also point them in the direction of information that can help).

I have christian and jewish bloodlines as well as my hereditary pagan line.

[boobaloo]

so let me get this straight, there are no shades of grey between a woman covering her entire body for modesty, or a 14 year old puking her guts up to fit into the smallest swimsuit. my point was that we should be able to celebrate our bodies, not cover them up. if you do this by choice, then more power to you, i don't judge adults that make this decision for themselves, my point was that a child should be given that option to display thier bodies to thier level of comfort - not told that they have to be covered up because of what their church/parents deem is morally acceptable.

i am now going to bow out of this debate, as everyone has pointed out, we are all entitled to our opinions, i have simply been voicing mine - and we are never all going to agree.

but to be clear - i AM NOT a religious bigot, i accept people on thier face value, and believe that the path to a fulfilling life is being loved and respected, and giving the same in return, not by the faith in which i do or don't live my life.

i have obviously offended quite a few people, of which was not my intent, but this is a public forum, and the thread is titled DEBATE, so we need to accept that there will be different opinions.

[Rouge]

I hate to say it but unless you've studied the Koran and have any understanding of how a muslim family works, that is a judgement (or any other faith where covering is part of their lifestyle). It is not an opinion. In order to give an opinion you would really need to understand the culture, and to be a part of it or know someone close enough to understand.

Bath where is that keyhole quote of yours.

I hope I don't offend but I am really finding some of your comments really hard to swallow. Whilst this may be a debate, that doesn't give anyone free will to be offensive, especially when they are aware of causing possible offense (and just so you know I am posting this as a member not as a moderator so if you have a problem with anything I have said please address me personally as my thoughts are not that of the entire BB team).

[Nelle]

I hope that more than any thing I say to my children that the way I live will make what I believe clear to them. When it comes to words though - I think similarly to some before me - that it would be silly to believe that only one way is right and then teach all faiths like they are all potentially right.

I don't think it's a bad idea to educate your children on what other people may believe though. And while I will accept my children rejecting the ideas of others, I won't be happy if they treat people badly because of their beliefs.

[paradise lost]

LOL at the swimsuits! My DD wears a full-body swimsuit because when she's in the pool i want herto stay warm long enough to have a good time swimming and not have to get out shivering after 10 minutes! We are in Scotland though...

One man's modesty is another's shame, that's just perception. DD is very modestly dressed in the pool i suppose but although i hate seeing breastless girls in bikinis i don't actually choose her suit on THAT basis, only on the practical basis of warmth. She does own suits others have bought her which are more bathing suit shaped than wetsuit shaped and i don't veto them, she just likes to be warm too i guess. I mean, i don't like her in pink but she is loving the pink right now and is happy to say so so i don't think i've crushed her inner sense of style...

There is a lot to be said for women covering up. As Brontide points out, rates of self-harm and eating disorders are MUCH lower in countries where most women are covered. Having said that the rates are way higher (though still lower than non-muslim population) among muslims living in western countries, whether they wear hijab/abaya etc. or not. This seems to be because in muslim countries where most women are covered it is well understood that how you look is not who you are, whereas in western countries this is not how society thinks and it is much harder for girls to grow up believing it when they are surrounded by western culture. In all honesty, even though i live in a western country the muslim women i know definitely have some of the healthiest attitudes to their bodies. I can remember complaining about my thighs once to a friend who laughed and said "Who thinks about their THIGHS!?". It's refreshing to be around that sort of indifference to the physical state when i'm otherwise bombarded by the usual rubbish from the media in this country.

Different attitudes, perceptions and beliefs widen the world and it's views. Imagine how dangerous it would be, how narrow and closed, if we all believed or were required to believe the same thing...

Bx

[Indadhanu]

especially in my experiences, catholics, are quite biggoted against people of other religions

WOAH what a generalisation... Off topic, but the Catholics I know (a total of 4 couples, so by no means a decent sample size lol) are gorgeous and accepting. Just because the Pope believes something, doesn't mean all Catholics follow like sheep.

[Indadhanu]

a child should be given that option to display thier bodies to thier level of comfort - not told that they have to be covered up because of what their church/parents deem is morally acceptable.

Not sure if this off topic but I have a question... so a 13yo girl should be allowed to walk out of the house in anything? Like a mini-skirt, g-string, and mid-drift showing top, because she wants to? I personally don't think thats acceptable, I do think she should be more modest, and as a parent I *would* impose my views there. But in your opinion, would I, as a parent, be wrong?

[Maruschke]

Not sure if this off topic but I have a question... so a 13yo girl should be allowed to walk out of the house in anything? Like a mini-skirt, g-string, and mid-drift showing top, because she wants to? I personally don't think thats acceptable, I do think she should be more modest, and as a parent I *would* impose my views there. But in your opinion, would I, as a parent, be wrong?

I don't think it is acceptable either. I think all of our religious beliefs taint the way that we act, behave, including raising our children. Infact I am beginning to think that it is nearly impossible to act independent of these beliefs. Beliefs will guide the way you dress, and that in itself sends a message to your child. I think it is irresponsible to be not guide your children (especially in areas of modesty) for fear of imparting your religious beliefs on them.

[Inanna]

You are right Boobooloo some of your comments are really offensive.

Attacks, negativity about any religion are just not on. Regardless of what you say you have attacked using your words, another faith. I too am speaking on behalf of myself not as a moderator.

My daughter is converting to Islam. One of the things I love is the modesty she has adopted. She has a beautiful body - she's not ashamed but I am glad she's not flaunting it!

Judgements on rituals, beliefs and worship are not okay.

[Lulu]

Celebrating your body doesn't to mean showing it off to people (who generally don't matter). In this household we celebrate our bodies by being kind to them and being thankful that all our bits and pieces work well.

I'm a bit puzzled still, that covering your body is seen as something forced upon us...

[Maruschke]

Alexis - ripper post! I agree with (most ) of it. Children definately need to be taught to love and respect all humans regardless of their religious beliefs. Like most posters I will raise my child as christian but attempt to teach them about other religions on the way, albeit in an apologetics sense.

One thing that will be difficult though, is when you teach your child that your religion is the one true faith (the way the truth the life) then the other religions / beliefs are by definition wrong (there is only one way to the Father / only one name by which man can be saved). It is challenging (but very possible, don't get me wrong!) to teach your child that someone else's beliefs are wrong, and to love and respect them, but yet that is what we must do.

[butterfly_warrior]

We don't have to agree with someone else's beliefs, but we must defend their right to hold them.

BW

[Ballerina]

We don't have to agree with someone else's beliefs, but we must defend their right to hold them.

BW

Very well put btw!

[Ballerina]

Our DD will be baptised into the Roman Catholic church, and educated in RC schools like her father. This was decided before she was even born, as DH's family is from Rodrigues and their faith is synonymous with their cultural identity so I would like my DD to have a strong understanding of her creole and RC roots.

I am baptised into the Church of England, but pretty blase about practicing my faith. But I will always have very fond recollections of our rag-tag family donning their Sunday best and heading off to our nice old stone church to pray the old book of common prayer and pray for the Queen! LOL.

It was nice to do something rich in tradition and in summary it's always been there for me when I've needed it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing DD's faith....but our household is not a myopic one. DH and I have grown up with such a diverse range of races and religions so it's never really been a huge issue what we think vs. what someone else thinks.

As long as you're not outwardly ranting like a nasty intolerant bigot, whatever rocks your boat. No?