Debate - Raising your kids with religion

[Maruschke]

Alexis - ripper post! I agree with (most ) of it. Children definately need to be taught to love and respect all humans regardless of their religious beliefs. Like most posters I will raise my child as christian but attempt to teach them about other religions on the way, albeit in an apologetics sense.

One thing that will be difficult though, is when you teach your child that your religion is the one true faith (the way the truth the life) then the other religions / beliefs are by definition wrong (there is only one way to the Father / only one name by which man can be saved). It is challenging (but very possible, don't get me wrong!) to teach your child that someone else's beliefs are wrong, and to love and respect them, but yet that is what we must do.

[butterfly_warrior]

We don't have to agree with someone else's beliefs, but we must defend their right to hold them.

BW

[Ballerina]

We don't have to agree with someone else's beliefs, but we must defend their right to hold them.

BW

Very well put btw!

[Ballerina]

Our DD will be baptised into the Roman Catholic church, and educated in RC schools like her father. This was decided before she was even born, as DH's family is from Rodrigues and their faith is synonymous with their cultural identity so I would like my DD to have a strong understanding of her creole and RC roots.

I am baptised into the Church of England, but pretty blase about practicing my faith. But I will always have very fond recollections of our rag-tag family donning their Sunday best and heading off to our nice old stone church to pray the old book of common prayer and pray for the Queen! LOL.

It was nice to do something rich in tradition and in summary it's always been there for me when I've needed it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing DD's faith....but our household is not a myopic one. DH and I have grown up with such a diverse range of races and religions so it's never really been a huge issue what we think vs. what someone else thinks.

As long as you're not outwardly ranting like a nasty intolerant bigot, whatever rocks your boat. No?

[Inanna]

Well another meaty thread!

I hold a diverse belief system which is quite complex... I was raised in an evangelistic christian household - but always very Christian and very fear based.
I remember feeling such anxiety as a child about the devil etc...
There was no way I was going to use guilt and fear in talking about spirituality.
I spent years exploring faith and what it means and different religions and what they mean for the followers of said Faiths...

I follow the Buddhist faith - but also have a belief in Wicca/neopaganisim as for me it's important to live in beat with the pulse of Mother Earth. I believe in magic, the sacredness of the old ways.

I really find it amusing that if I was born in deep Africa I may worship a stone or in Iran and I would likely be a Muslim, or Tibet and Iwould likely be Buddhist etc... I don't believe God, Source, The Universe, Divine Love has a favourite religion. I think Source talks to us all through different mediums. Source didn't speak to my heart once in a Christian church, but has done in a Gompa & an Ashram & in a circle of fire...

That is my experience and I share that with my children freely. When they are sad we pull a card and read the wisdom, we thank the moon for shining on us, the sun for shining on us, the rain for raining on us.... I teach them to listen to the voice inside which is their knowing - their connection with the God Force/Goddess...

My children go to an Ananda Marga school which is an Indian found faith based around yoga and meditation. The principal wears orange robes and a long grey beard. He has light around him always and a more gentle, kind soul you would never find! It's not my faith but I have the utmost respect for it! My children meditate every day at school and leearn yoga. They are also learning that Faith is very different for us all.

My eldest daughter went through a stage where she decided she was going to be catholic - now she has decided she will be a Muslim. She has really embraced Islam & I support her in that... She also has Aspergers so she forms obsessions easily and as such I temper my support with challenging her also.

All children are spiritual creatures and thrive with the learning. I believe Faith can't be learned - it has to be felt. For some of us we Feel that being a Jehovah's Witness speaks to our heart. For others it's being a Druid. For others it's following another path.

I believe there are many paths to Source - this to me is evident in the vast array of religions around the world. Indigeonous faiths, Christian Faiths, Metaphysical. All are returning to LOVE!

This is what I teach my children. I do not tolerate criticiism or ridicule of Faith's of any type. The utmost respect has to be given (IMO) to a persons faith.

I actually was taken aback by the comment on the Duggan family that have their beliefs... The comment that their swimsuit was "ridiculous". Conversley your swimsuit may be "ridiculous" to others. We should be very wary of judging anothers beliefs/ways as ridiculous, silly or anti... From what I know many a fine war has been started in the name of religion. That is not religions "fault" it is the folk who judge anothers beliefs in a way that can be heard as hurtful and arrogant.

My children pray, they talk to their Angels, they dance to the moon, they use crystals, they meditate. Their Irish Catholic grandparents when they see them for a couple of days a year never fail to take them to church - where they also lap that up also...

I hope that they are learning to be very tolerant, and to find the way that is their Truth. I don't believe I can give them my Truth and make it theirs. They know what mine is but they also know they are free to search and that I will always lovingly support a heartfelt calling.

I have 2 alters in our home and many Buddhas, Quan Yin, Lakshmi, crystals - the Goddess. Faith and ritual is a big part of our life. Kindness and Love is also...

[boobaloo]

[QUOTE=Flowerchild;1854063]

I actually was taken aback by the comment on the Duggan family that have their beliefs... The comment that their swimsuit was "ridiculous". Conversley your swimsuit may be "ridiculous" to others. We should be very wary of judging anothers beliefs/ways as ridiculous, silly or anti... From what I know many a fine war has been started in the name of religion. That is not religions "fault" it is the folk who judge anothers beliefs in a way that can be heard as hurtful and arrogant.

QUOTE]

the comment that i made about the swimsuits being ridiculous was intended in the context of children not being able to be comfortable within their body - that 'god' made -, but are instead expected to be covered at all times, and be kept modest. bodies are something that should be celebrated, not something that children should be made to feel they have to keep hidden for the sake of thier faith.

this comment does not make me 'anti' anything, i too was raised as a catholic, and had my family torn apart by religion for many years., i have a good understanding of what religion is all about.

the part about parents teaching children thier religion that bugs me is when they teach their child that there is no other way. this does nothing for society except create another generation of people that fight to defend their beliefs, resulting in more pain and anguish.

and yes, i do find that a lot of religious people, especially in my experiences, catholics, are quite biggoted against people of other religions, and isn't that in it's essence against what they are taught? aren't we supposed to accept our brothers and sisters?

it was brought up in the santa thread that i push my beliefs on my children with regards to manners etc, so i can't really say anything about pushing religious beliefs. to be honest, i find this to be the most ridiculous statement, i teach my child manners so that they grow up to be a valued member of society, without manners, common courtesy and a sometime conversion to the norm, society would fall apart, there would be no order. so no, i do not believe there is a relation in teaching my children manners, and pushing my beliefs or non beliefs onto them.

[Phteven]

[QUOTE=boobaloo;1854415]

I actually was taken aback by the comment on the Duggan family that have their beliefs... The comment that their swimsuit was "ridiculous". Conversley your swimsuit may be "ridiculous" to others. We should be very wary of judging anothers beliefs/ways as ridiculous, silly or anti... From what I know many a fine war has been started in the name of religion. That is not religions "fault" it is the folk who judge anothers beliefs in a way that can be heard as hurtful and arrogant.

QUOTE]

the comment that i made about the swimsuits being ridiculous was intended in the context of children not being able to be comfortable within their body - that 'god' made -, but are instead expected to be covered at all times, and be kept modest. bodies are something that should be celebrated, not something that children should be made to feel they have to keep hidden for the sake of thier faith.

this comment does not make me 'anti' anything, i too was raised as a catholic, and had my family torn apart by religion for many years., i have a good understanding of what religion is all about.

I don't understand how being covered equates with not being comfortable with one's own body. It's arguable that people who choose to cover are so comfortable with their bodies that they don't have to seek the validity of displaying it for the gaze of others.
Who is more comfortable with their body - the 14 year old girl throwing up in a toilet so she feels better about herself or the 14 year old playing football in a tracksuit and hijab? Covered women have much lower rates of self-harm and eating disorders

[Maruschke]

I don't understand how being covered equates with not being comfortable with one's own body. It's arguable that people who choose to cover are so comfortable with their bodies that they don't have to seek the validity of displaying it for the gaze of others.
Who is more comfortable with their body - the 14 year old girl throwing up in a toilet so she feels better about herself or the 14 year old playing football in a tracksuit and hijab? Covered women have much lower rates of self-harm and eating disorders

Well said. FWIW, I did a subject at uni that covered comparative religions, and found out that many non-muslim women (especially in Egypt) have started to adopt the hijab. The women claim that it is liberating to them to not have to worry about or be defined by, fashion or sex appeal. I can see where they are coming from! I will see if I can find a link to the original study (sorry to go OT...).

EDIT This isn't the article I was thinking of, but it makes the same point.

[Maruschke]

the comment that i made about the swimsuits being ridiculous was intended in the context of children not being able to be comfortable within their body - that 'god' made -, but are instead expected to be covered at all times, and be kept modest. bodies are something that should be celebrated, not something that children should be made to feel they have to keep hidden for the sake of thier faith.

This is your belief, it is not fact. The Duggarts simply have different beliefs. Both of you are doing the same thing. You are teaching your children according to your beliefs. You both have the right to do this.

I believe God made my body and I am comfortable with it, but yet I choose to wear non-revealing clothes. It is all a matter of perpective.

[Ballerina]

and yes, i do find that a lot of religious people, especially in my experiences, catholics, are quite biggoted against people of other religions, and isn't that in it's essence against what they are taught? aren't we supposed to accept our brothers and sisters?

Mmmmmmm.....nothing quite as bitter and obscure as a fallen Catholic. What a misguided thing to say. This may very well be your experience with the people you know, but I also speak from the outside looking in. And you're wrong about Catholics as a whole. You're dead wrong.

I don't agree with everything that encompasses the catholic faith - that's why I'm not one. But don't get nasty about it and think it's acceptable to throw in a cheap shot just because you used to be one.

[boobaloo]

Mmmmmmm.....nothing quite as bitter and obscure as a fallen Catholic. What a misguided thing to say. This may very well be your experience with the people you know, but I also speak from the outside looking in. And you're wrong about Catholics as a whole. You're dead wrong.

I don't agree with everything that encompasses the catholic faith - that's why I'm not one. But don't get nasty about it and think it's acceptable to throw in a cheap shot just because you used to be one.

misguided? the fact that i used to be a catholic means that i can comment on some of the people that i came across, and i didn't say catholics as a whole, because honey, i havn't met catholics 'as a whole'.

and it wasn't a cheap shot, i said IN MY EXPERIENCE, therefore, as it is my experience i am entitled to say it.

i laugh that the majority of you have attacked me for my opinions, and said that i am misguided and biggoted, but i have clearly stated that i do not judge people on their religion - and yet most of you have judged me.

[Eugenia]

the part about parents teaching children thier religion that bugs me is when they teach their child that there is no other way. this does nothing for society except create another generation of people that fight to defend their beliefs, resulting in more pain and anguish.

But if I believe that my faith is the only way then I'd be doing my children a disservice if I didn't teach them that. I was brought up Christian, of the more conservative kind (Baptist), but I was also taught to respect other people and their beliefs. I intend to teach my children the same way. I went to Catholic school and my best friend there was an agnostic, I went to university with people who were Catholic, Anglican, JW, atheist, pagan and I don't know what else and I got on well with all of them because their particular faith did not make a difference how I saw them as a person. Tthat's not to say I've only ever gotten on well with everyone I've ever met but religion has never been the reason why I've not made friends with someone. I have also met people of many religions who have been close minded and intolerant, and atheists who have been as bad too.

As for the whole swimsuit comment, well I find there an example of the intolerance the poster claims religious people have. So what if they're taught to cover up? You believe that someone's body should be celebrated but that is only your belief. I don't have a problem with body image but I don't want to share my body with all and sundry. I am not ashamed or embarrased by my body but I feel more comfortable when dressed modestly and that is something else I will be sharing with my daughter. I think the whole "celebrate you body" thing is part of modern Western society. There's plenty of people in other cultures who walk around half naked not because they see it as somehow more worthy but because it's their cultural norm.

I probably have more to say (rant, LOL) but I have to put the baby to bed.

[Eugenia]

sorry, I posted twice. I'll probably come back and fill this in later.

[Ballerina]

Arrrgh - how did that post twice?? Ha ha ha ha.

[Arimeh]

Interesting thread Candice.

Here's my take on it. DH and I are basically neo-pagans. We weren't raised as such, we found this belief resonated with something within us.

So thats how I will raise my children. I won't lecture them on any form of religion, I will let them ask questions, answer honestly how I feel, and also tell them of other options - and tell them to research for themselves.

I don't expect my children to follow what I believe in - because its what I believe in - not necessarily them. For example, my parents always voted liberal. So I voted liberal because they did - not because I had researched the options and found something that suited me better.

I don't want my kids to be brought up like that. I want them to be resourceful enough to find what resonates within them, what belief system lights them up inside, what makes sense to them - because they are their own person, with their own thoughts, feelings etc.

My kids will always be brought up with the main theme of all of us (society) are human. The differences in other beliefs mean nothing - because we all have a heart, we all pump the same red blood - and we all love. Regardless of what anyone thinks of if there is a God, or isn't a God (or whatever) - if they are human they deserve to be treated with respect. Respect is not earnt, it is a given.

(And of course, we'll get onto the alien chatter when they are older )

[Maruschke]

(And of course, we'll get onto the alien chatter when they are older )

I'm old enough! Tell me now .

As a JW, I was taught a bit about other religions, but was also encouraged to dig deeper into them. We are taught from when we're small to respect others, and not to force our beliefs on people, because Jehovah created us with free will.

(One day I will learn how to multiquote )

I find this interesting. Yes, my child has free will. And no I won't FORCE my child into anything. But I will do everything possible to flavour her worldview so that she does choose (using that free will) what I believe to be the truth.

Some religions require their members to seek out other converts, and some do not, and I wonder whether this influences how we raise our children? For example, the great commission for christians is to spread the news of Jesus, and not leave it up to chance / fate etc that someone would hear the gospel, and so naturally we start doing this with our children. I'd love to hear from someone from a different religion / beliefs about whether their religion mandates some sort of evangelism and if this influences their parentig.

I am rambling... will be back later to try and articulate better.

(For sunflower - this is off topic.. but with respect to man having free will v's God being all powerful... there is a somewhat delicate balance here, maybe requires its own thread. But, if God can do absolutely anything (Since He is all powerful) then do we really have free will?)

[AnnaChas]

Okay, so this topic is one that has been talked about endlessly at our house and at my PIL's place. We have also talked about it endlessly with friends who are quite Christian in their beliefs.

DH and I are raised Roman Catholic. I say 'raised' because we are not practicing RCs at present, due to a crisis of faith which has been going on for a while now. (DH was an altar boy for ages and I went to church every Sunday and did the readings etc until I left home). There are some aspects to the RC church that we don't agree with, however that's another conversation that could go on forever. Being Filipino, the RC church plays a large role in that society, and my parents are church-goers, as are most of my side of the family. My MIL is also disillusioned with the RC church. While we do not go to church every Sunday, we do celebrate Christmas, Easter etc for the celebrations that they are.

Now, I was always going to have DS baptised, however as DH pointed out, 'Why? You don't have to be baptised to be taught good/bad/tolerance/acceptance of other people and religions etc.' Apart from the fact that we don't go to church anymore, it seemed a pretty moot point to baptise DS 'just because we were'. My MIL is ok with this, however surprisingly my FIL is dead set on the fact that DS has to be baptised (in the RC church). This was surprising as my FIL is Anglican and is the least religious of everyone. I know my family would be very disappointed if DS was not baptised - I'm not willing to approach that subject with them yet as it will just end up in a huge argument.

DH has also been reading and looking at other religions, their belief systems etc as well as investigating atheisism (sp?) and agnosticism (sp?) and generally all sort of faith/belief systems. As a family we have been looking at other faiths and churches that might be more suitable (for lack of a better word) for us. Unfortunately, the one we found has recently been excommunicated from the RC church.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling here and not making much of a point ... as I said, this is a topic which has been talked about endlessly in our household. I think that the general opinion in our home is that DS will be raised to know the difference between good/bad/evil etc and to be aware of the different religions and belief systems that exist. We hope that if we do our job right, we will raise a son who is aware, tolerant, open-minded and understanding of the world around him and the people in that world.

I hope this has made some sense and isn't just some rambling rant! We are still confused by all this. What we do know is that we will not be telling DS that there is one religion/belief system that is 'better' than others (which is kind of what I was raised believing).

[AnnaChas]

(For sunflower - this is off topic.. but with respect to man having free will v's God being all powerful... there is a somewhat delicate balance here, maybe requires its own thread. But, if God can do absolutely anything (Since He is all powerful) then do we really have free will?)

Oh my - the free will argument would require another thread as well! DH, me and a work colleague have had even more endless conversations on this!