Debate - Raising your kids with religion

[Maruschke]

(And of course, we'll get onto the alien chatter when they are older )

I'm old enough! Tell me now .

As a JW, I was taught a bit about other religions, but was also encouraged to dig deeper into them. We are taught from when we're small to respect others, and not to force our beliefs on people, because Jehovah created us with free will.

(One day I will learn how to multiquote )

I find this interesting. Yes, my child has free will. And no I won't FORCE my child into anything. But I will do everything possible to flavour her worldview so that she does choose (using that free will) what I believe to be the truth.

Some religions require their members to seek out other converts, and some do not, and I wonder whether this influences how we raise our children? For example, the great commission for christians is to spread the news of Jesus, and not leave it up to chance / fate etc that someone would hear the gospel, and so naturally we start doing this with our children. I'd love to hear from someone from a different religion / beliefs about whether their religion mandates some sort of evangelism and if this influences their parentig.

I am rambling... will be back later to try and articulate better.

(For sunflower - this is off topic.. but with respect to man having free will v's God being all powerful... there is a somewhat delicate balance here, maybe requires its own thread. But, if God can do absolutely anything (Since He is all powerful) then do we really have free will?)

[AnnaChas]

Okay, so this topic is one that has been talked about endlessly at our house and at my PIL's place. We have also talked about it endlessly with friends who are quite Christian in their beliefs.

DH and I are raised Roman Catholic. I say 'raised' because we are not practicing RCs at present, due to a crisis of faith which has been going on for a while now. (DH was an altar boy for ages and I went to church every Sunday and did the readings etc until I left home). There are some aspects to the RC church that we don't agree with, however that's another conversation that could go on forever. Being Filipino, the RC church plays a large role in that society, and my parents are church-goers, as are most of my side of the family. My MIL is also disillusioned with the RC church. While we do not go to church every Sunday, we do celebrate Christmas, Easter etc for the celebrations that they are.

Now, I was always going to have DS baptised, however as DH pointed out, 'Why? You don't have to be baptised to be taught good/bad/tolerance/acceptance of other people and religions etc.' Apart from the fact that we don't go to church anymore, it seemed a pretty moot point to baptise DS 'just because we were'. My MIL is ok with this, however surprisingly my FIL is dead set on the fact that DS has to be baptised (in the RC church). This was surprising as my FIL is Anglican and is the least religious of everyone. I know my family would be very disappointed if DS was not baptised - I'm not willing to approach that subject with them yet as it will just end up in a huge argument.

DH has also been reading and looking at other religions, their belief systems etc as well as investigating atheisism (sp?) and agnosticism (sp?) and generally all sort of faith/belief systems. As a family we have been looking at other faiths and churches that might be more suitable (for lack of a better word) for us. Unfortunately, the one we found has recently been excommunicated from the RC church.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling here and not making much of a point ... as I said, this is a topic which has been talked about endlessly in our household. I think that the general opinion in our home is that DS will be raised to know the difference between good/bad/evil etc and to be aware of the different religions and belief systems that exist. We hope that if we do our job right, we will raise a son who is aware, tolerant, open-minded and understanding of the world around him and the people in that world.

I hope this has made some sense and isn't just some rambling rant! We are still confused by all this. What we do know is that we will not be telling DS that there is one religion/belief system that is 'better' than others (which is kind of what I was raised believing).

[AnnaChas]

(For sunflower - this is off topic.. but with respect to man having free will v's God being all powerful... there is a somewhat delicate balance here, maybe requires its own thread. But, if God can do absolutely anything (Since He is all powerful) then do we really have free will?)

Oh my - the free will argument would require another thread as well! DH, me and a work colleague have had even more endless conversations on this!

[Maruschke]

Oh my - the free will argument would require another thread as well! DH, me and a work colleague have had even more endless conversations on this!

Remind me to lend you a book when you get here . Oh, and I'll start that thread, because this topic is interesing / deep / drives me bonkers at times.

Here it is http://forums.bellybelly.com.au/foru...46#post1853846

PS - Alexis... read anything about this? I am interested in your POV.

[Jennifer13]

I will be teaching my DD that Christianity is the true religion based on my beliefs. Her father is less than sure, so he will be giving her his perspective. I take her to church every week, which she loves, so that's what she'll be taught there.

For me it would be the same as teaching her what I believe to be right and wrong in the world in general: principles, behaviour and practices. Christianity is a part of what all of these are based on in our household, so it's really not just about 'religion' as being a separate part of our lives. It doesn't fit into a box like that. As others have mentioned, it forms a part of our culture. I sort of subscribe to "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything"! And I do believe that there are principles in other religions (even some fundamentalist Christian families) that are not right (intolerant or inaccurate). So I will pass that on to her. Our religion does teach tolerance though, unlike the one I was brought up in, which taught us that anyone who didn't follow those beliefs was destined to die an eternal death and were not to be closely associated with (or if someone left or was forced to leave due to unrepentance from bad behaviour they were never to be spoken to again, even by family members).

Learning about other religions is like any education though, good from an information perspective, regardless of whether it resonates in her heart and mind as she grows and makes her own decisions. Understanding does not necessarily mean agreement though.

[Roryrory]

For me it would be the same as teaching her what I believe to be right and wrong in the world in general: principles, behaviour and practices. Christianity is a part of what all of these are based on in our household, so it's really not just about 'religion' as being a separate part of our lives. It doesn't fit into a box like that.

I completely agree with this part of your post Jen. My DH and I are definately non-Christian (in fact he is so completely atheist he frustrates me sometimes, I lean more towards a hedge-your-bets-in-case-of-apocalypse kind of agnosticism). So we will raise our kids to be the same as us, although like many other posters we will teach them about other religions and to be tolerant of other peoples' belief systems.

But as for the original topic

Is it right / fair / meritious to raise your child in a particular religion as the one true religion? For example, to raise your child as a christian / catholic / buddhist ONLY, and not introduce or teach other religions. To clarify, the opposite of this would be to attempt to educate your child about all religions, and allow them to choose for themselves when they are older.

I think it is, to a certain extent. And my reasoning is this : I don't see how it would be possible to raise a child in a household where faith (or lack of it, as in my case) is important. From my perspective, while I want my kids to know about other religions (because I think it is a funadmental part of the human story) I do not want them being exposed/indoctrinated into any religious belief per se until DH and I have had a chance to get them thinking like us. Religious belief and practice is so totally not who DH and I are that I just don't think we could function as a family unit if we had a "believer" in our midst (gosh that sounds funny, but I hope you all KWIM LOL!).

So from this perspective I completely understand people with a strong faith who want to raise their kids as catholics/jews/sikhs whatever. Belief systems are a very important part of any family and so the family that prays together (or once again, in my case doesn't) should hopefully stay together. (I actually used to be quite critical of people indoctrinating their kids until I realised by wanting to show my children their religious "options" I really wanted to do the same, so now I am not half as disparaging of other belief systems as I was in my younger days).

BUT whether it is right, fair or meritorious.....that is a tough one. If you believe in God, salvation, Satan, Nirvana, whatever, then within particular belief systems you are actually doing your child a disservice if you do not teach them to follow the one true faith. In contrast, does one person have the right to make decisions in relation to the soul of another? Free will has already been mentioned above as being a bit of a sticking point here.

My take on that issue - tough luck kids LOL! You are born into an atheist/agnostic family, and just like you are born to a mother who adores you but gets frazzled easily and works full time, and to a dad who is a messy disorganised so and so but loves you enough to stay at home full time even though he doesn't find it particularly fulfilling, that's the hand you were dealt by the fates. Sorry in advance if you end up burning in hell due to our mistakes (sorry in advance if I offend with that last comment, like I said I still had enough religious exposure as a child to be a bit wary about COMPLETELY turning my back on the whole Christianity thing )

[Jellyfish]

I think learning about religion is important because of the role it has played in history and the integration it continues to have in society today. At this point, it is my intention to raise DD with knowledge about religion (in all the forms I am aware of or we come into contact with) but as an observer rather than actively being part of any one particular set of beliefs. Ultimately, I hope to arm her with the basics but let her lead her own personal journey (and I will help and encourage as best I can). We will teach her morals and ethics that relate to our perspective, as well as emphasising the importance of tolerance and acceptance.

ETA: I don't see anything wrong with teaching your family what you personally believe is correct... you wouldn't believe it if you thought otherwise and even if you are not religious, you are instilling your perception reguardless.

[suse]

Interesting thread!

I have a question which relates to a point that BW made - that in some faiths the prospect of salvation is intrinsically linked to the following of one's faith (I hope my understanding of this is right, but my understanding is that in Christian faiths one cannot attain salvation without knowing Jesus - is that correct?).

My question is, having raised your child according to your faith - what happens if they, of their own choice, decide to follow a different path, one without faith? A path that still follows the principles and morality that your faith teaches, the only difference being that they do not have faith. How do you reconcile this? Is it possible to reconcile your child's choice and be supportive of it whilst remaining true to one's own faith?

FWIW - I ask this question genuinely out of curiosity, it is not intended to challenge anyone's beliefs. The reason I ask is because I am atheist, whereas my family, particularly my grandparents, are staunch practising Christians. Despite their own strong personal faith and their adherence to the teachings of the Bible, they accept and respect my atheism without challenge, and I have often wondered how they are able to do this within the context of their teachings.

[butterfly_warrior]

Suse, you are correct in that Christianity does teach that the only way to be saved is to accept Jesus as saviour and follow him.

I can't speak for your family, but if Sam were to grow up and reject Christianity... while I may be able to show outward acceptance, there would be a great deal of inward grief and I would not stop praying for him to change his mind. Christians have this sneaky habit of praying behind your back, you see, and I'm sure that's the reason I ended up becoming a Christian myself.

BW

[christy]

My question is, having raised your child according to your faith - what happens if they, of their own choice, decide to follow a different path, one without faith? A path that still follows the principles and morality that your faith teaches, the only difference being that they do not have faith. How do you reconcile this? Is it possible to reconcile your child's choice and be supportive of it whilst remaining true to one's own faith?

Okay. Now I believe that salvation comes through Jesus yes. I also believe that if one of my children, chooses on their own to believe something else, or do not have faith I will probably be a bit sad in their choice (being TOTALLY honest and raw here everyone) but it is possible to reconcile their choice and be supportive. Because, as I said in my earlier post that got totally ignored (again see my point, it is all about me!) my truth in my beliefs is that God has called us to love, above all else. To me and not to be trying to bible beat etc etc, but Jesus said "They will know who you are for your love for each other" didn't just mean other Christians, but other people. Jesus loved others from other walks in life, he demonstrated that pretty clearly... so if we don't do that, we aren't truely following him. So I may be sad to not be sharing this with them would be just that, it will not mean I don't express love to them, the way they need it.

ETA: oscaroscar, DH was faced with a huge amount of opposition from his father for following Christianity.... and continued to face that opposition until his father passed away last year.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Interesting thread!

I have a question which relates to a point that BW made - that in some faiths the prospect of salvation is intrinsically linked to the following of one's faith (I hope my understanding of this is right, but my understanding is that in Christian faiths one cannot attain salvation without knowing Jesus - is that correct?).

For me, yes that is true - I believe that my salvation can ONLY be secured my putting faith in Jesus' ransom sacrifice, and following the Bible to the end.

My question is, having raised your child according to your faith - what happens if they, of their own choice, decide to follow a different path, one without faith? A path that still follows the principles and morality that your faith teaches, the only difference being that they do not have faith. How do you reconcile this? Is it possible to reconcile your child's choice and be supportive of it whilst remaining true to one's own faith? [/QUOTE]

While I don't have a child, I do have 2 sisters that have chosen a different path - one of which is on BB and may or may not make an appearance in this thread But I have had to come to terms with the fact that according to my religion, there will come a time when she is no longer here. While I desperately wish she would come back to our religion, I respect her as a person, and respect that she has made her own choice. Believe me, if she ever decided to come back I would one of the first to help her, right behind my parents I think! But forcing someone to believe defeats the purpose, and proves nothing.

The only problem I have with reconciling her choice is that I don't understand how we could've been brought up in the same household, and have gotten such different ideas, or understandings on the Bible - but I guess it comes down to personal perspectives

I hope I've helped answer your question Suse, and if I've caused anyone offence, please PM me

[Maruschke]

Interesting thread!

I have a question which relates to a point that BW made - that in some faiths the prospect of salvation is intrinsically linked to the following of one's faith (I hope my understanding of this is right, but my understanding is that in Christian faiths one cannot attain salvation without knowing Jesus - is that correct?).

My question is, having raised your child according to your faith - what happens if they, of their own choice, decide to follow a different path, one without faith? A path that still follows the principles and morality that your faith teaches, the only difference being that they do not have faith. How do you reconcile this? Is it possible to reconcile your child's choice and be supportive of it whilst remaining true to one's own faith?

FWIW - I ask this question genuinely out of curiosity, it is not intended to challenge anyone's beliefs. The reason I ask is because I am atheist, whereas my family, particularly my grandparents, are staunch practising Christians. Despite their own strong personal faith and their adherence to the teachings of the Bible, they accept and respect my atheism without challenge, and I have often wondered how they are able to do this within the context of their teachings.

This is where I hoped the thread would go. I am a christian. If my child did not follow christian beliefs, then according to the bible, I would have to conclude that s/he is not saved. This would break my heart and cause much anguish! However, I am aware that I cannot force or cause my child's salvation, I can only share my faith with them and pray. Given this inability, I would love and cherish my child, and do whatever I could to keep them in my life, having them know they were loved, and hope that my life would eventually show them the truth and convert them. What else could I do? Failing to accept them and love them would probably push them further away from the religion I believe to be true, because I have been a bad witness. However, I would have to love and accept them, without accepting their beliefs.

I understand that this is different to the approach that Deb (FC) outlined she has for her children. (No judgement on you Deb, I just have a different opinion here ). I guess this means that at times, the house rules that I set down, and the behaviour that I accept, would clash with my daughters free will (if she chose not to follow my beliefs).

crying baby brb...

[HotI]

My question is, having raised your child according to your faith - what happens if they, of their own choice, decide to follow a different path, one without faith? A path that still follows the principles and morality that your faith teaches, the only difference being that they do not have faith. How do you reconcile this? Is it possible to reconcile your child's choice and be supportive of it whilst remaining true to one's own faith?

My Dad's Mum is a mormon. Dad was excommunicated years ago after he married Mum (he was asked to go to a meeting if he wanted to continue in the church and didn't turn up). However, Nan has said that in the mormon church they can baptise you by proxy, even after you are dead, which then 'saves' you and lets you enjoy the good life. So, although she would like Dad to follow the church now, even if he doesn't she will try to get him to the good side eventually.

This thread has shown that some people try out different religions over their lifetime and sometimes return to their childhood one at some point or incorporate some of their early beliefs with new ones. As a parent, you never say never and although it might hurt if your kids are trying out new religions/beliefs over time they might work out their faith beliefs, and they may be stronger with a deeper understanding than if they had never investigated.

I don't want my kids to believe what i believe because i tell them to, but because they have worked through it themselves and come up with their own conclusions.