How Do You Detach From The Lure of Materialism?

[Bathsheba]

I just caught a mini documentary on the ABC about Indian Spiritualism. Very interesting. And it reminded me that in nearly every faith system there is a warning not to subscribe to materialism.

I was wondering how much this is in the fore-front of people's thinking. Especially after the recent 90 Million Lotto JackPot frenzy.... and all the sales at the moment.

So this thread can be a place where maybe you can stop and pause to reflect of how materialism is ruling your life... or how you are attempting to stop it taking control of your life.... and that of your children's.

I've been a pretty vocal advocate of spending as much left over money (after you have fed and clothed yourself etc) on education here in BB. We pay nearly as much on school fees as we do on rent. Aside from the benefits i hope this will bring to my children's lives I guess i have to concede that if we didn't direct this money to education then it would more likely get used on unnecessary items... "stuff" as I often call it. And I guess after reading threads like the 2012 end-of-the-world thread it reinforces my belief than materialism really doesn't offer you the security we are all searching for in life. Security is peace of mind more than anything else... and does a committed materialist ever have peace of mind? Are they ever happy? I don't think so. There is always more stuff to be bought.

So feel free to share you thoughts.

[krysalyss]

I go and look at the trees. lol. I was at target today and was thinking about how I wasn't even remotely encouraged to buy anything except the undies my DH wanted. I just really don't care. If I won the lotto I would set up a grants program for wildlife/conservation. I truly see our constant need for more and more material things to be the largest part of our environmental and social problems (eg. resource depletion, greater disparity between poor and rich)

[Muppity]

I am with you Bath.

My parents sold things so that they could afford to send us kids to the best schools that they could (not really) afford. And I am forever garteful for it.

I have also spent the last several years trying to get rid of "stuff" from our hours. DH was a bachelor on a very high income for a long time and used to just buy "stuff" all the time. It got to the stage where he had two cars but caught public transport to work!

Having said that - I love really nice things. But don't need too many of them - and things have to be practical.

I suppose that the best example I can give is that my engagement ring is a piano. DH wanted to spend a crazy amount on a diamond and I just thought that yeah diamonds are pretty but not particularly practical wheras a piano would bring me so much joy - and it does. I love it so much more than I could possibly love any diamond.

Most people know of my lust for a beautiful KitchenAid mixer - again expensive but so beautiful and practical. (which of course is now more expensive because I will need to find a matching Jessie Steele apron )

So I suppose that I am materialistic - but not in the got to have one of everything and two if it is something new kind of way. I don't need much stuff but I do like the stuff that i do have to be nice.

I was appauled by the Big W catalogue that appeared the other day - who knew that there was so much "essential" stuff that kids need this Christmas. What ever happened to a couple of books, stationery for school and a new pair of swimmers?

[fionas]

I bought tickets in the $90 million draw and had a bit of a panic actually thinking at the last minute, "gee I hope I don't win." I just had this dread of life never being the same again and losing my sense of self. At the moment my life is revolving around renovations, what to do, how to afford them, whether to give up work and how to reach my career potential and basically get over some deep-seated confidence issues. If I'd won several millions, none of those things would be problems and I think I'd sorely miss the challenge of trying to work through them bit by bit.

Having said all that, those challenges are in themselves materialistic and I do give myself a kick up the butt sometimes. I got out of the shower the other day where I'd been thinking about how great it would be to have an ensuite and I walked into the bedroom to get dressed and put on the radio. There was a program on about an African country and they were interviewing a man who didn't have enough to feed his children, there was no government aid available and he was desperately trying to think of a solution. That was very humbling.

I really veer between being sucked in by some elements of materialism (I DO want a house that feels homely) and being quite judgemental of other elements (plasmas, brand new cars, the 'latest' gadgets etc.)

Have lost my train of thought. Bugger.

[Bathsheba]

Ah yes, I know what you mean about enjoying beautiful things especially if they are practical. I don't wear rings very often and i think your piano is a wonderful idea! I also swoon over KitchenAid mixers when in the shops... I don't have one yet but I do think about them to a degree that's probably unhealthy spiritually! And yes... guilty again; I swooned all over the Jesse Steel site and all those divine aprons the other day.

But look at all these words we associate with stuff; "love, swoon, divine etc" in some ways it's sad that i can't use these words for my spiritual discussions. We have so much strong emotion for our "stuff" yet feel so much more reserved about our spiritual matters. I can't help but notice the imbalance.

[Eugenia]

But look at all these words we associate with stuff; "love, swoon, divine etc" in some ways it's sad that i can't use these words for my spiritual discussions. We have so much strong emotion for our "stuff" yet feel so much more reserved about our spiritual matters. I can't help but notice the imbalance.

That is so true! If you say to someone, "I love my car" they understand. If you say, "I love God" they look at you like you're a nutter and they can't get away fast enough.

Personally I find the whole materialistic thing can be a bit of a struggle at times. I don't go for the big stuff like plasma TVs or other expensive electronic toys but I own a few too many baby carriers . In my defense I've put off buying other things, like clothes for myself, in favour of buying another wrap to carry my baby in.

This whole economic crisis has been good to us that way. At first there was doubt about whether the project my husband is working on would go ahead, if it didn't he might have lost his job altogether. So we prepared for that eventuality by cutting back all spending. Now things are good, he won't lose his job, but we're still not spending.

[AngelPunks]

on the whole I'm not materialistic, people may think that because I live in a yuppy area, own my own place, own two cars, like the "good things" in life. But I'm not, I haven't bought any "fancy" things for myself in a very long time, I don't remember when I last bought perfume or makeup, I don't want any fancy toys for my place (new tv, games consoles etc). I loathe shopping, you basically have to drag me into a shop kicking and screaming (and a few friends have had to literally take my hand to take me into a shop to buy some very badly needed clothes).

Since my x-husband kicked me out and left me with a huge debt I've had to live on the smell of an oily rag, literally some fortnights I'm broke 2 days after pay and have to survive the rest of the fortnight with minimal food in the house and no money to spare to buy any because I've had to pay big bills in one hit.

I know I put down in the thread about the lotto draw about what I'd spend the money on but a large proportion of that money was going to go to certain charities that I support, some of the money would have been getting my financial life in order so I'm not surviving on $10 a fortnight (a big thank you to my xh for wracking up nearly $300k in debt and leaving me with it with the threat that if he paid anything towards the debt that he'd make me sell my unit that I had before he came along - this threat was during the marriage so I paid the mortgage for the place even though it was his debts that caused the mortgage as I'd had it nearly paid off when he came along)

[onthefly]

When it comes right down to it, nothing i've ever bought has made me as happy as my son, husband, family or friends.
Sometimes I want things for practical reasons, and I may be lured by the 'better' thing. Sometimes that's an unnecessary luxury, but sometimes it's so it lasts longer or works better. But honestly, I think that's about the extent of my materialism these days.
I HATE the idea of buying lots of plastic crap for my son just because it's christmas or whatever. And it depresses me sometimes all the useless junk we've accumulated over the years - often bought 'just because' - that ends up forgotten at the back of shelves or packed away in boxes. When I feel the urge to buy 'stuff' I try to remind myself of all the other stuff we already have and don't need.

[surprised]

Great thread... too tired to think atm so just replying to subscribe

[Maruschke]

I live in a tiny tiny unit with DD1 and DH. It is small, so we have to think very carefully before buying anything. I have very limited space for furniture and clothes and kitchen applicances. It is now cheaper to live like this than to rent even a studio apartment. In turn, we don't need to earn as much money in order to pay off the bigger mortgage, furniture etc. We spend more time just enjoying each other and less time working.

If I was to move to a 4bed, 2 bath, 2 garage place wonderfully furnished full of 'materialism', I would need to work full time, with DD1 in full time care, and move out to the suburbs, spending more time travelling, less time together as a family, more time stressing over finances.... basically spend very little quality time enjoying my family and even less time enjoying 'materialism'.

My family is more important to me than having pride in a huge house or materials, and this ideal comes from my faith.

[Roryrory]

TBH Bath I think I detach from it by having enough money. sounds counterintuitive but here goes.

Maslow (a famous psychologist) talked about a hierarcy of needs. Its only when needs like air, food, shelter, etc are met that you can even think about more spiritual ones. So I think because I have enough, and if I wanted to I can "have" much more than I have got, I feel like I am making a choice. So not wanting, not buying and not accumulating is an expression of my personal power over my life.

It sounds really egocentric but if you CHOOSE not to buy things, suddenly you stop wanting them, and they loose their appeal.

I HATE the idea of buying lots of plastic crap for my son just because it's christmas or whatever.

I am so with you. A good way to think about toys is "play value". IMO if a kid is going to get less than 50 hours of play out of something then you have to seriously question if its worth it. Take those (incredibly cool looking) robotic dinosaurs in the catalogues ATM. Can you imagine how HAPPY a kid would be to get one of those for Christmas!!!

And can you imagine where it will be on new years day? My guess is in the spare room next to the luggage set bought at the boxing day sales and behind the foldout bed that still hasn't been put away since Grandma went home.....

[suse]

My attitude to materialism is more along practical lines than spiritual. I don't so much detach from materialism so much as put it in context and give it balance.

Rory made a good point about the heirarchy of needs, although we are not in what is a generally accepted definition of well-off (technically my DP is a low income earner), we don't want for anything, our desires are in context to our capacity to achieve them.

There are many things that I would like, but not at the expense of the lifestyle I live or of being comfortable with my ethical choices. I love to cook, so a fully decked out kitchen with modern appliances would be great. I love film and media, so a custom built media room would really allow me to enjoy an immersive experience. But I couldn't afford any of these things without making a lot of compromises to the way I live and work and to who I am, and they would not provide enjoyment relative to what they would cost (not just in financial terms). So an object needs to fulfil a specific and tangible purpose and not just be illusory desire for its own sake.

So sure, I have 'stuff'. I have a good surround sound system and a Hi Def LCD TV, because it optimises the experience of watching a good film. I don't have it for its own sake, I have it because it fulfils a purpose. And it will continue to be used until it is no longer capable of fulfilling that purpose, it won't be replaced just because something newer and shinier comes along.

As an example of this, although I can appreciate that an iPhone has many useful features, I am just as happy with my cheap pre-paid Nokia because all I need to do is make calls, an iPhone has no practical value for me.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks for the interesting discussion girls I also wanted to raise (although some of you have covered it already a bit) how much we need our "stuff" to define who we are. How easily could we function with just the basics of food shelter transport (ie public transport) without feeling antsy? Can anyhow imagine that there would be a freedom in relinquishing all our stuff? Has anyone ever secretly hoped that their house would burn down so that they could be freed of the weight/burden of everything... and see how they feel about the person that is left standing with just their clothes? (I have). Ok, so if that idea definitely DOESN'T appeal to you do you think that it would never-the-less be good for you? (maybe like a dose of yukky tasting medicine) Or is having stuff or not neutral in terms of how you feel you can grow as a person? Are you a better or worse person for all your stuff and your ability to accumulate it? I'm not really talking about necessities... ok so everyone needs at least 1 set of shoes .. but how damaging is it to say, own 100 sets? or is this of no consequence to a persons character? I guess what I mean is: is there any benefit of frugality? Does the notion of only taking what you need appeal to you? Or is it of no consequence if people take more than what they need? How would our communities change if people focussed more on the kind of people they were instead of furnishing lives so that everyone can defined by their possessions. Would living in such a society be unbearable for you? Or could you see yourself adapting? I'm not saying that materialism/private ownership would be banned... I'm not talking Communism here... but what if society just naturally started to change toward a preference to less-is-more? Would you buck the trend or fit right in?

The reason I popped this in the spiritual forum is because I guess I'm hoping that the discussion will lean toward how this all relates to our growth or retardation of our spirit. I know I've asked heaps of questions.... no need to answer them all... just whatever you feel you'd like to respond to.

[onthefly]

Has anyone ever secretly hoped that their house would burn down so that they could be freed of the weight/burden of everything... and see how they feel about the person that is left standing with just their clothes?

YES! Kinda glad I'm not the only one.

How would our communities change if people focussed more on the kind of people they were instead of furnishing lives so that everyone can defined by their possessions.

I think it would be a relief! But also very confronting. I think I've spent much of my life terrified of finding out who I am and it's only in the past few years that I've started to overcome that. It's taken a lot of time and maturity, as well as life experience, to accept me as me, and not try to hide behind things. Real genuine relationships with open people have helped me with this (ie, when I see them I start to see myself through them), so throwing away the trappings of materialism would only help more.