I bought tickets in the $90 million draw and had a bit of a panic actually thinking at the last minute, "gee I hope I don't win." I just had this dread of life never being the same again and losing my sense of self. At the moment my life is revolving around renovations, what to do, how to afford them, whether to give up work and how to reach my career potential and basically get over some deep-seated confidence issues. If I'd won several millions, none of those things would be problems and I think I'd sorely miss the challenge of trying to work through them bit by bit.

Having said all that, those challenges are in themselves materialistic and I do give myself a kick up the butt sometimes. I got out of the shower the other day where I'd been thinking about how great it would be to have an ensuite and I walked into the bedroom to get dressed and put on the radio. There was a program on about an African country and they were interviewing a man who didn't have enough to feed his children, there was no government aid available and he was desperately trying to think of a solution. That was very humbling.

I really veer between being sucked in by some elements of materialism (I DO want a house that feels homely) and being quite judgemental of other elements (plasmas, brand new cars, the 'latest' gadgets etc.)

Have lost my train of thought. Bugger.