Upsetting Family with your choices What should we do?

[LaDeeDa]

Hi All,

We're in a bit of an awkward situation.
We are having the first grandchild on both sides and we've decided not to christen our child as
a) we are not married
b) I am a lapsed catholic and Daniel is a lapsed BA Christian.

Now his parents are fine with this as they do not christen infants in their religion and they respect our opinion that kids should be exposed to religion but should ultimately be able to make their own choices when they are able to.

My parents are HORRIFIED!!

I was baptised a catholic and went through the catholic education system, my brother was also baptised but has never had an religious education and doesn't even know how to do the sign of the cross (he's 15) and my parents haven't set foot in a church for over a decade ....lol

But they are carrying on like pork chops even getting to the point of being abusive because we have decided not to baptise our child into the catholic faith - a faith that I don't personally identify with.

I've tried explaining to my parents that they won't baptise an illegitimate child ... . so they went and found a church that WOULD!

How can I help them to understand my choice without offending them?

TIA

[Muppity]

I would tell them that in the end it is your decision and you have decided not to. I would probably say that you are going to make every effort to bring the child up with exposure to religion but you don't think that it is fair to be making a choice on their behalf with something so important.

Maybe try to identify why they are being so insistent. Are they worried for the soul of your child or do they want a party?

Good luck, it is a hard one.

[Heaven]

Tell them that Jesus wasn't baptised until he was an adult and if it's good enough for Him, it's good enough for your child. They can choose what they want to do when they are older.

Other than that, I don't know!! I have just written another thread in here on dealing with difficult family members!! It can be so hard

[Kitt3n]

sara Jane that is the best response, I am in the same sort of boat as you dee and i am going to use that one!

[Maruschke]

Maybe try to identify why they are being so insistent. Are they worried for the soul of your child or do they want a party?

I agree! Ask them why it is so important to them even though they aren't practicing their faith either. To some people the appearance of faith is important even if it isnt a personal thing for them anymore. Could that be the issue? Good luck sorting this out!

[LaDeeDa]

Hi Girls, thanks for the brilliant advice!!!

I've tried asking my parents why they feel so strongly about it and the response they gave me was 1. (Because!!!) and 2. (Because we said so)
WTF? I think I'm 12 again PMSL!!!

At the end of the day it is our choice and we are more than happy for our child to be exposed to religion - I just want them to make their own informed choices.

Have a great weekend everyone xoxox

[Nelle]

Yeah...because and because we said so....hardly compelling arguments there...

Perhaps they want your child to attend a Catholic school or something?
Perhaps it's just that you're breaking with 'tradition' and they're uncomfortable with that.
Perhaps they're worried about what other Catholic friends and rellies will think?
(just trying to understand them, still doesn't give them the right to try and dictate your choices)

Stick to your guns, YOU guys will be the parents, just think of it as good practice at making unpopular parenting decisions (I've made quite a few of those unpopular decisions today, NO, Riv may not stand on the piano or eat a tissue :P).

[M22]

i know how you feel - i would jsut say i love and respect both of you - this is our child and we will bring him up to feel loved, nutured and respected. We will love him like jesus loved the world and will not judge him. so please do not judge us.

why are parents arent like this???

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

GREAT post, SaraJane.

At the baptism, you say you will bring your child up in the Christian faith and you make a few basic promises to that. If you're not keeping those promises - not even planning to - then you're lying to God and you know it. Lying to God? Your parents want you to LIE to God? Not a good example for your child!

WRT tradition or "just because" - did Jesus go along with tradition just because? Of course not! He overturned tradition to do what was right in the sight of God and you want to do what's right to God and not tradition - now there's something you can't argue with!

Mean Mummy Nelle - no piano standing or tissue eating? How harsh! I can see me having these battles soon; thankfully we're still at the playing and blowing nose stage.

[paradise lost]

Thanks Ryn! That was what i was gonna say - they are so dedicated to the idea of a christening they want you to stand up in front of God and tell a barefaced lie about your intentions re: your child's spiritual future? Are you sure it's YOU who's lapsed!?

Bx