Unfortunatly for me I lost my angel on christmas day 05, that was the worst xmas I have ever experienced. Luckily for me by the time the next xmas came around I was 6 months preg, this made the day alot more bearable. When the date angel was due comes around I head to the cemetery where my nan and pop are buried, as I planted a beautiful rose called "baby jack" on their grave. It gives me a chance to clear my mind and prepare for the year ahead. Maybe planting something could be your way of finding some inner peace. It will always be with you but does become a little easier slowly.