Abruption 2nd time round, looking for hope

[Brooke*]

Hi everyone,
I would like to share my story in attempt to gain support and hope... my husband an i have just experienced the loss of our son Jed... born at 34weeks. This was my second pregnancy. The first was ectopic which i lost a tube at 5w and was faced with transfusions etc. Three weeks ago, i was faced with the loss of my beautiful boy and harsh reality that i could have lost my life again...only this time was alot more serious... it's very scary.
We are still in disbelief and are constantly saying Why?...and how could this happen to anyone?
Jed was concieved through AI so the lead up to his conception was a long road...a road we'd never imagined we would travel but we chose in order to track ovulation (as it is now only possible to conceive from the R side); The day we received the phone call to tell of the positive test, was the most exciting day!!! We were positive...and started making plans for the future. My pregnancy with Jed was smooth sailing...i felt good...BP was normal...no unusual signs that anything would occur until the day he decided to come early. I had a massive bleed caused from a placental abruption which lead to emergency ceasar...the most frightening day of our life... we welcomed our little man into our world only to have him taken from us the next day...it was love at first sight...it was kind of bitter sweet as we feel enriched for having a beautiful son but are heart broken at his loss and just miss him dearly. Naturally, i move in and out of blaming myself even though i have been reassured that there was nothing i could have done differently.
for now we take one day at a time. After reading some of the posts i don't feel so isolated... everyone has their own story.
When we work through our emotions, we hope to have a brother or sister for Jed but i am worried will it be possible and if it is am nervous already about next prgnancy and pregnancy so soon after caesar...
does anyone have any thoughts or comments or similar stories?
thank you for giving me a voice on this forum

[Lovenhope]

Brooke,
I am so so so sorry for your loss. You are so brave to put it in words and put it out there. I hope you find the comfort you are looking for and need. I can relate to your emotions relating to the ectopic preg. but not to the tradgedy that followed.
You and your DH are in my prayers and thoughts.
Take care of your own physical and emotional needs.

[Mel1977]

Oh Brooke, I am so sorry to read about Jed It is such a devastating and unimaginable thing to experience, a pain most people are lucky enough to not even fathom. Unfortunately I understand what you are going through, we said goodbye to our son Nicholas at 36w1d due to placental abruption. We had no idea anything was wrong until I stopped feeling movement and then it was too late I am now pregnant with our second child (who was conceived through IVF) and it is very scary. Can I ask if they have given you any reason or theory to your abruption? Have they done any tests?

Nothing anyone can say will ease your pain or take away the hurt, but just know there are people here who understand you. I found the hardest thing to deal with was the lack of acknowledgement from other people that you are a mother... especially around this time of Mother's Day, to most a day filled with joy - for us a day to remind us what we miss out on. Big :hugs: for you for tomorrow, and every other day.

We are here for you if you need us, look after yourself and just feel what you need to feel at that moment - its the only way to get through. Sometimes it feels that you never will, you will never be able to smile again - slowly in time things such become a little easier.

Mel

[chepie]

Brooke - babe I am ever so very sorry for the loss of Jed .... I hope that you find lots of support here, the women are amazing here xxxx

[Emmy-Lou]

Brooke..my Heart is breaking for you...I am so so sorry for what you are going through...I pray for you and your husband, take care and be there for one another and lean on all the wonderful people in here as much as you need to. Sorry i can't help with your questions but please know your in my thoughts and prayers..Take Care.
xoxox

[bailey99]

Brooke, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Jed. Unfortunetly, I can understand a little of what you are feeling as I lost my daughter 18 months ago at 33 weeks. I cannot offer ant advise about placental abruptions however I had a c-section with my daughter and was told I could safely get pregnant after 6 months. I fell pregnant 5 months later and none of the Dr's or midwives were concerned about it. You have a long hard journey ahead of you, but it does get a little easier in time. You have definetly come to the right place for understanding and support, there is no way I could have gotten through the last 18 months and my last pregnancy without the amazing ladies here.
Take care

[ClareBear28]

Brooke,
I wish that I could make the pain go away. I am ever so sorry for what you are going through.
You are in my thoughts,
Clare xo

[Brooke*]

Hi everyone,
A big thank you to everyone's reponse of support it is really appreciated.

Mel1977 - to answer your question about whether they gave us any indication on what caused the abruption...no unfortunately my ob said that it was just a catastrophic accident and there was nothing that i could have done to prevent it...this is hard to accept... no explanation. I keep replaying the week leading up to the event and think of everything that may have caused it; i feel responsible as Jed was so well and somehow it happened... i couldn't protect him.

Bailey99 - thank you for your response as it has provided me with some hope. Sorry to hear about loss of your baby girl but at the same time congratulations on having her. i have since spoken to Ob and he indicated that we can try again 5-6months.

Again thankyou to everyones response...i feel supported and comforted by your kind words and know that we each have our own story

[Mel1977]

Hi Brooke, have they done any tests? I understand feeling responsible, its hard not to and I struggled with the same thing for quite a while... but you did your very best to protect your baby. I felt Nicholas moving around the one day and then from that night onwards felt nothing, I did not do anything but racked my brain trying to find some way to blame myself. Anyway, I was encouraged by the lovely women here are BB to seek a second opinion because my obstetrician was telling me pretty much the same thing as yours although from memory he worded it as "bad luck". I sought that second opinion and found that I have a blood condition which caused a clot to form and consequently the placental abruption. Do you know if they found any such problem with Jed's placenta? There are several reasons why abruption can occur, believe me I researched all of them - none of which were a maternal error so please dont be too hard on yourself.

Dont know where Hunter Valley is but I could try and get a name of someone you could meet with for another opinion when I see my ob tomorrow. If you need to, feel free to email me and I will share the information I know about placental abruption. My email is mel_lill@hotmail.com.

Take care

[MeredithD]

Brooke - words fail me. I can only imagine your heartbreak at the tragic loss of your precious son, especially after a prior loss. Although different circumstances, I understand only to well the feelings of guilt and lack of faith in ones own body. Why can't we just keep our babies safe... its just not fair!
I'm sorry I can't answer your questions but I would listen to Mel and try and investiagte every avenue for a reason. I, personally, just think the "bad luck" theory is a poor exuse from potentially lazy Dr's if all medical explanations have not been exhausted. If nothing else, investigating any underlying issues will give you some assurance in subsequent pregnancy. If it was just "bad luck", then at least you would know future babies are likely to be fine. Thats just my opinion but does stem from my own tragic losses ( and my one fabulous success!)
I hope you are being cared for by loved ones and praying you get a well deserevd baby in your arms very soon

[Brooke*]

Hi, just thought i would post a update


I'm Feeling good lately, although had a sad day saturday...still miss my boy everyday. i return to belly belly often to read different posts as i feel so so isolated, having read some discussions and topics keeps me sane...i'm not alone and feelings i feel are normal.Sometimes i am not sure where i can join in?? any suggestions on getting started??

Returning back to work in a month for a couple of days which i am looking forward to...it will keep me busy and focused i guess.

We got the go ahead to TTC in 5-6 months although worried it will take a while and sometimes very scared i wont be able to or it will happen again. I think i might try earlier but want to be sensible too, when's too early emotionally and physically - i want the caesar scar to heal and have heard mixed reports about falling after a caesar re timeframe between pregnancies

I requested OB conduct blood tests as previously discussed and they come back negative except for one 'AA' test (not sure what this is) but he said that it had been related to pre-eclampsia and miscarriage and to discuss with him when i am, hopefully, pregnant again one day.
We sent balloons into the sky on Jed's due date and took photos for his memory book.i am finding that symbols are helping and am in the middle of making a memory book with picture and messages for him...i just don't want people (friends and family) to forget that we had a child.
Have been reading a book 'Layla's story' which am sure many of us mums of angel babies are familiar with. Have found it helpful in dealing with some of my feelings.

Hope all is well with everyone


Mel1977 - hope is all is going well for you and your soon to be born bubby keep me posted

[Tobily]

I'm so sorry for your loss of baby Jed Brooke.

I just wanted to post and tell you about a friend of mine. She lost her little boy to an abruption at 37 weeks a few weeks after my daughter was born. She was also told it was a "catastrophic event", no rhyme or reason for why it happened. It took her probably two years to reach a place where she felt she could try again. They got pregnant, and then they lost that baby in the first trimester - unexplained miscarriage. It was devastating...all miscarriages are devastating but after what they'd been through with Aiden it was so much worse. Her story finally had a happy ending - late last week their little boy Dean was born by elective caesarean at 38 weeks. He's perfect.

I hope for the same for you, and I know that your little boy will always live on in your heart.

Take care hun.

[Lovenhope]

Hi Brooke,

I just wanted to say how great it is that you are moving forward, but yet holding onto those precious memories of baby Jed. The book you are making sounds very special. I'm glad you came back to say hello. We are all here to support you.

GL with work & for when you finally decide the time is right to Try again.

Tobily- Thank you for sharing your positive story.

[~StarBright~]

Hi Brooke,

To you and your DH for the loss of your son Jed xoxo
The book you are making sounds beautiful! It will be something you will cherish for many years to come.

I suffered a placental abruption alomost 2 years ago- whcih resulted in my haemoraging badly internally- and nearly loosing my own life along with my daughters. Zahra was born via emergency c section too- only sadly- she didnt make it. I was also tested for a few things- amd did get a positve test for Aca like Mel- but later it was discovered i was actually negative. Very odd- but then i am pretty odd...

Zahra was the second baby i had lost late in a pregnancy- i also lost a little boy two years beofre that at 18 weeks. Darren had major organ abnormalities which were discovered at our 18 week scan- i was induced as he wasnt going to make it to full term I also suffered a m/c between my son and my daughter- so i know how you feel when you say you struggled so hard to get there.. made a perfect baby and then SOMEthing still went wrong. It is very disheartening- and very sad. Please please try not to blame yourself- be kind to yourself

Do keep coming here and reading as much as you can. I was the same as you when i got here- i would read and read and read and realsie how NOT alone i was.. it was very comforting- feel free to reply to any posts on belly belly- no matter how old the thread is- unless its closed. There are some threads like Trying to conceive after a loss and pregnancy after a loss that you can poke your head into to meet some more women who have gone through loosing an Angel. No one will mind if your not quite ready to try again yet- or if your not quite pregnant yet- its still somewhere to pop into to meet and talk to other women in similar situations.

I am pregnant again (30 weeks and counting) - we waited about 18 months before i felt emotionally ready to try again- and it took a few months for us to fall pregnant. I am opting for a VBAC- that is trying for a natural birth after a c section.

Take care and take things slowly at your own pace- and cry when ever you feel the need xoxoxo
SB
xoxox

[Mel1977]

Hi Brooke,

Good to hear that your doing ok, well as ok as can be expected... I will send you an email a bit later tonight.

Thanks so much for your well wishes

Take care,

Mel

[Lynn]

Brooke, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jed. I hope that you can get some answers as I too believe 'bad luck' is just not good enough. I feel your pain and suffering as I lost my first son Cooper at 37 weeks to a cord accident, it was a complete shock but with the wonderful support of these women in here I now I have my second son Ethan. After I lost Cooper I joined the TTC after Stillbirth thread even before we were trying, perhaps you could join the girls in there. I hope returning back to work has been ok for you as this is a massive step - rejoining society without your loved one. I hope they have been sensitive towards you. The decision to try again is a tough one, I think it will always be a very emotional time regardless of the time between pregnancies. Once your dr has given you the go-ahead it is then up to you and how you feel. For me it was about trying again straight away...........giving me something to get out of bed for each day and something to look forward to. Your memory box sounds beautiful and it is important for us to keep our babies memory alive.

Best wishes
Lynn
xxxxxxxxx

[sassymummaof2]

hi , iam soo sorry for your loss, i couldnt imagine the pain, that must be so deep in your heart.. i just wanted to let you know, iam currently pregnant only 3 months after cesarean.. and my last i was preg 4 months after, and each time , has been fine,

with every pregnancy the placenta forms differently, so i hope so much for your future pregnancy/ies , that all goes very well.

big hugs to you , stay strong