Nay,
You are an incredibly strong and resiliant woman. I am so sorry for all your losses , no one should go through what you have gone through. I've had one late loss at 20 weeks, and I just can't imagine having 4. You are so brave for wanting to try again, until you have that beautiful little baby to love and spoil.
As you seem to get pg very easily, I would suggest as many tests as possible to look at why you're losing your precious bubs. Sometimes a very simple solution is available hun. Please seek help as soon as possible, and keep looking until they can expain why this is happening. I know with 3 or more losses, they like to investigate. I'll keep everything crossed for you hun and pray you get your healthy miracle soon!!
As for reinventing yourself, go for it!!!! There is no right or wrong in this grieving process. Do what feels good to you and even if something makes you even slightly happy, go for it!! It is so important to have some hope in your heart, this is what gets us all going and dare to dream big. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel good about everything else.
Good luck hun, I pray for you very hard
Beata xxx