Thankyou Lucajacksmum, posting this took along time to come, but I finally did it. I guess in a way it is a breakthru in itself. I have never shown anyone these before and kept thinking for a while now that maybe someone who is going thru or has gone thru a similar loss can relate and not feel alone. Although it was one of the most lonliest times for me. I dont feel like an inspiration at all, but thankyou for thinking that. What I had written down all those years ago was something I wanted to remember, I thought that if I didnt write it down that I would forget everything and I didnt want to feel like I failed my angels again by not having any memories of them, IYKWIM. Thanks agaian hun. hugs