It has been 12 days since I gave birth to my son, Ethan Gabriel. At 23 weeks, he was a stillborn baby, one who is deeply loved and cherished. I found out I was pregnant on July 10th and I couldn't believe it. I called my husband after taking 3 pregnancy tests and his reaction was memorable. We were both excited and ecstatic. It was a pregnancy that was not planned, yet it was welcomed with joyful hearts. My pregnancy was very emotional and physically tiring. At 16 weeks, the doctor took my blood to test for Down Syndrome and other defects. The blood test came back abnormal for a condition called Trisomy 18, a birth defect similar to Down's but much worse. Babies with Trisomy 18 usually don't live past the first week and those that do have severe defects. For one torturous week, my husband and I waited to have an ultrasound to search for characteristics of Trisomy 18. When we had the ultrasound, I was a mess. The doctor could see no signs of Trisomy 18 and my husband and I were relieved. We found out then that our baby was a boy. 7 weeks later, I went for my monthly pre-natal check-up. My doctor could not find a heartbeat with the Doppler. When she did an ultrasound, she could not see a heartbeat. It had been awhile since I had felt the baby move and I had been afraid to voice my fears. Deep down, when she could not find the heartbeat, I knew we had lost the baby. Two days later, I was in the hospital scheduled to be induced. After 14 hours of grueling labor, I gave birth to my baby boy. I never realized how much I loved him until I held his lifeless, tiny body in my arms. The pain I felt was a pain I had never experienced before. I felt so cheated out of getting to know my baby. I had dreams of us playing together and laughing. My husband and I spent a few hours with Ethan, talking to him, holding him, and touching him. When they took him away, it felt like a piece of me was being ripped from body. My heart is broken and I will never forget Baby Ethan. One day, my heart will be put back together, but the cracks will remain. Ethan Gabriel will always be in my heart and never forgotten.
ethansmom: I am so utterly sorry for the loss of your precious little boy. I too lost a son and you are right, one day your heart will mend but for now let yourself grieve your little boy. It hurts so bad, that I know. What I also know is that if you have survived giving birth to an angel, you are a strong amazing woman and you can survive anything.
Ethansmum - welcome to Belly Belly - I am so sorry that the loss of your son has had you find us. The pain is unimaginable and the sorrow is so great - just know in time slowly, slowly you will find your way. Sending you my love and support as your grieve your little boy.
Hi,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son Ethan. I too lost my son at 24wks due to Trisomy 13. I wish there were words I could say to take away your pain. Hold the memories of your son close to your heart. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to bb under these awful circumstances, I wish it were under happy ones.
I can't imagine the pain you must be going through, take all the time you need to grieve, bb is a wonderful place for support and there are women who can unfortunately relate to the awful pain you must be feeling.
I wish I could take the pain away for you, and for anyone else who has had to go through such a terrible thing, it's just not fair.
Please take care of yourself
xxx
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my son Joey in May. He was three months and twenty-seven days old. He died from sudden infant death syndrome. Over time the pain eases up a little and it gets more manageble. The thing that helps me ge through my days are knowing that he didn't suffer and he went peacefully. You will always have a special place in your heart for the baby you lost. Before Joey was born I had had three miscarriages and lost them all pretty early. If you ever need to talk you can contact me anytime. Once again I am sorry for your recent loss. my e-mail is mercedesgirl1984@yahoo.com
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A broken heart
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