The heartache of losing a baby at no matter what stage of pregnancy is devasting and a lonely time. Having been through 3 m/c and about to experience my 4th i can feel my world tumbling down around me very quickly.
They said the first time was one "just one of those things", the second time was put down to "just bad luck" and after the third i was told that "next time will be your time". I suffered my first miscarriage at 8 weeks, the second at 14 weeks and the third at 7weeks; and with each loss it gets harder and harder.
Finally, after the third m/c i found a supportive doctor who was willing to look into our situation and both my husband and i were subjected to numerous blood tests while i had multiple ultrasounds...the verdict..."just bad luck". While no medical reason could be found for the re-occurances no guarantee could be given that we would be able to carry a baby to term. We were told that next time would be our time and that i would fulfill my dream of being a mum.The doctor said that although no medical diagnosis could be given to be thankful that nothing was wrong and to continue trying!
On Jan 26th 2009 three home pregnancy tests confirmed we were pregnant and i knew then that i was just over 5weeks. A blood test confirmed that we were expecting and i was told to relax. I cut back at work, i ate healthy i did all the right things. Apart from feeling tired and troubled with morning sickness we took each day as it came. Every week further into the pregnancy was a bonus.Each week past our last m/c an even bigger bonus.
Yesterday at 10weeks we went to have our first ultrasound. The sonographer told us "one sac, one jelly bean no heartbeat". Just like that we were told our baby had died.No reasons, no explainations just that there was no heartbeat. I laid there and cried clingling to my husband - how could this be happening again? i have no pain, no cramps, no spotting or bleeding..how can it be happening?
The doctor has sent us home to take it one day at a time as i wait for what i know is going to come, what i know im going to experience yet again. Each niggle in my tummy i dread and each toilet trip is filled with fear as i wait. Iv'e cried a bucket load, iv'e yelled and screamed at how unfair it all is and i feel so scared and alone.
kirst