Hi kazzabee, welcome to BB, so, so, sorry for your loss, doesnt matter what you had decided, either way you would be mourning this baby.
You have every right in the world to grieve and feel sad, I still grieve and feel sad for the baby I aborted 14 years ago, was the best decision for me at the time, I thought I would feel better once it was all over but no, its still a raw spot for me.
I lost a baby by miscarriage 2 years ago now, I still mourn for he/she, much wanted that one was.
sorry if this is a ramble, but I just want you to know that it is ok to feel like this, big hugs to you.