I'm brand new to this site, I'd had heard about it through some friends but I didn't think I'd be here for a long time yet. I really don't know if this is the right place to be posting this but here goes.
I started seeing my boyfriend 5 weeks ago and a week ago I discovered that I was pregnant. Roughly about 3 weeks. Told the boy and he's been absolutely amazing and supportive but through discussion etc we decided that as much as we want to be together and babies are definitely something we both want for us it just wasn't right right now.
Yesterday however I started to spot and by last night was bleeding quite heavily and a doctor confirmed that I have miscarried. I'm so confused. I can't stop crying. But I feel like I have no right to be sad or to cry because of what my partner and I had decided. When I rang my doctor when I initially started bleeding, she said to me "well you're going ahead with the procedure so it doesn't really matter does it - just see what happens over the next few days and call me if you experience severe pain".
I'm sorry if my post has upset anyone or if I've posted in the wrong area but I'm just so confused. I'm so devastated that I've lost my baby but I feel like I can't be.
Hi kazzabee, welcome to BB, so, so, sorry for your loss, doesnt matter what you had decided, either way you would be mourning this baby.
You have every right in the world to grieve and feel sad, I still grieve and feel sad for the baby I aborted 14 years ago, was the best decision for me at the time, I thought I would feel better once it was all over but no, its still a raw spot for me.
I lost a baby by miscarriage 2 years ago now, I still mourn for he/she, much wanted that one was.
sorry if this is a ramble, but I just want you to know that it is ok to feel like this, big hugs to you.
Hi Kazabee
You have every right to be devastated, I'm sos orry for your loss.
I was in almost the exact same situation as you, I'd been with my now DH for about a month or so when I discovered I was pregnant. He was supportive of whatever decision I made but termination was discussed. Two days later I started spotting and the next day bled quite heavily, so went to the dr to be told I'd had a miscarriage. I was devastated like you, and felt so guilty that we'd spoken about terminating the pregnancy.
Planned or unplanned, you've still lost your bubba and you have every right to grieve for it.
Please take care of yourself
xxx
Kaz I'm so so sorry you are going through such an emotional rollercoaster right now. You are in the right place if support is what your after, and i'm my experience here, there is no judgement cast, so give yourself acceptance to greive as much as you need to babe X
Take care, and best wishes with your new relationship, may it be a looooong one
In grief, there are so many emotions, including guilt. I can understand why you might feel guilty, but if you can, try not to torture yourself by feeling guilty. It makes your healing even harder.
In your time of grief, you deserve understanding and love. Like Murraycod says - give yourself permission to grieve.
Thank you girls for your support, I would have replied earlier but I've been away for my friend's wedding - which has helped keep my mind busy.
I've been trying not to feel quilty or beat myself up and my boy and I buried our pregnancy test in the garden with a strawberry plant on top which has helped me to actually allow myself to grieve a little.
To be honest, today and well most of the last week I've not been doing so well. I have been having the most insane mood swings. Things that have never bothered me before are making me ridiculously angry or burst into tears. My poor boyfriend is walking on egg shells and has even started to avoid me at times.
Then today I got my period. I knew logically it was going to happen, the doctor confirmed miscarriage and put me back on the pill but seeing it today has just gutted me. It guess it explains the moods - although I've NEVER had mood swings or PMT before. I am so sad because it means the baby is definitely gone but a part of me is relieved as well if that makes sense. I don't think I could go through the postive tests then pregnancy discussions again so soon.
Phil (my boyfriend) is being great but we've still only been together for 7 weeks and everyone has their limits of what they can put up with or handle. I'm tearing his head off for stupid things like not seeing me enough and hanging out with his friends and family instead of me or ripping into him about a text message which I've taken the wrong way or read too much into. So much so last night he said he wanted to send me something naughty but was unsure because I didn't react well the last time.
Are these moods normal? This isn't me - this has never been me. I keep telling myself you're being psychotic, pull your head in but I can't seem to stop myself.
wow sweetie, you're doing it tough right now. grief is a pretty crazy weird journey, and lots of people describe it like they think they were going crazy. i didn't get that, so can't talk from my own experiences.
if your mood swings continue to be fairly dramatic and you are worried about them, pop off and see your doc or at least try lifeline counseling hotline 24 hours or check out the beyond blue website.
and if you can, talk to your boy about how you're feeling. go gently.
Confused
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