Hi,
I don't know if any of this is going to make sense as I'm still very emotional and all over the place as last week we were listening to our bubs heartbeat nice and strong and yesterday it was gone.
I was so sure this time would be ok, we had a heartbeat at 5wk4days and I felt so good, I'd had a bit of mild MS. I mean really, it was my fourth preg, surely I deserve a bit of luck by now?
I was told...at least you can get pregnant and thats half the drama. Well, for me its not. The drama is staying that way. I am just so angry and yet so incredibly devastated. My DB means well and keeps sayin 'how are you?' what do I answer to that? I keep saying fine when it feels like my heart is being ripped out along with my baby.
TMI: I have to try and collect any major clots for testing...I don't know if I could try again. There is part of me that is desperate to be a mum, I have always wanted to be but I can't go through this again.
I wish DB would say that we can try again, I guess I need to hear him say it but its not something I can tell him I need. It's a horrible time. I'm just so confused. I took yesterday and today off work, I don't want to go back this week at all.
It just feels so unfair, why do drug and alcohol addicts have complication free pregnancies and beautiful babies and yet someone who tries to do it all right can't even make it past 11 weeks?
thanks for letting me rant.