If I hear one more time 'at least you can get pregnant' I'll scream

[TinaR]

Hi,
I don't know if any of this is going to make sense as I'm still very emotional and all over the place as last week we were listening to our bubs heartbeat nice and strong and yesterday it was gone.
I was so sure this time would be ok, we had a heartbeat at 5wk4days and I felt so good, I'd had a bit of mild MS. I mean really, it was my fourth preg, surely I deserve a bit of luck by now?
I was told...at least you can get pregnant and thats half the drama. Well, for me its not. The drama is staying that way. I am just so angry and yet so incredibly devastated. My DB means well and keeps sayin 'how are you?' what do I answer to that? I keep saying fine when it feels like my heart is being ripped out along with my baby.
TMI: I have to try and collect any major clots for testing...I don't know if I could try again. There is part of me that is desperate to be a mum, I have always wanted to be but I can't go through this again.
I wish DB would say that we can try again, I guess I need to hear him say it but its not something I can tell him I need. It's a horrible time. I'm just so confused. I took yesterday and today off work, I don't want to go back this week at all.
It just feels so unfair, why do drug and alcohol addicts have complication free pregnancies and beautiful babies and yet someone who tries to do it all right can't even make it past 11 weeks?
thanks for letting me rant.

[NaeNae]

TinaR, I am so sorry.
Its a devastating thing and I can understand your frustration when people say "at least you can fall pregnant" I always say back to them "yeah its just being able to hold onto the pregnancy thats the challenge".

Sometime people think that its easier because you can fall pregnant without going into treatments such as IVF, but for people like us thats just a kick in the chops. Yeah we may be able to fall pregnant but there is little that can be done to ensure the pregnancy goes full term and more often than not there is nothing wrong with us or our bodies its just crap luck.

Its very hard to stay positive after so many losses, hopefully you will find some inspiring stories of triumph after such devastation here in BB there are many women who have been where you are and have found their way to motherhood.

Its still very early days for you after your loss so don't be thinking about that right now, just be kind to yourself and allow the time that it takes to grieve.

If you ever want to chat pm me ok

Nae x x

[TinaR]

my MIL turned up. she knew I was off work this week and wanted to check on me. 'got a flu?' she enquired, no, just not well was my reply. then she goes on for 5 mins about how they thought I must be in the family way cause I'm off work and my BIL had mentioned I'm not drinking but that they really thought I must be and were just checking. At which point I burst into tears and said no I'm not but I was...I'm so annoyed with myself because I did not want them knowing.
Of course then I get 5 mins about how it wasn't meant to be and how I'm just really not having much luck with the pregnancy thing. and lets not forget I'm still young so there is plenty of time etc etc.
honestly if i had something solid to throw it could have turned ugly.
My boss emailed me and told me to take the week off work. I (again) burst into tears becuase for only three sentences it was a very nice email.
I am just hating today.