I wanted to create a thread that had peoples eulogies to their children. I know some will not want to share these as it is a deeply personal thing to give.
When we had to write Nikita's I had no idea where to start or what to say and I searched for some ideas but came up with zip.
This section was my first point of call but I was disappointed with how little I found, hence the reason I am posting this in here. BB moderators feel free to move this if need be.
I will leave Nikita's Eulogy as the first post. Not only do I want to share her story but I want to help other parents facing the task of preparing such a thing. Leading up to your childs furneral you seem to be in a bit of a blur and nothing really sinks in.
How do you write a eulogy about your child and capture the rich tapestry of emotions that only a grieving parent can feel. How do we share with you those wonderful highs that a proud parent feels with every milestone reached and the deepest despair felt watching as your child becomes gravely ill.
Though Nikita?s life was so short, she had an amazing ability to make each day special, she would draw out every possible emotion within you and further etch herself into your heart and soul.
Sunday May 25th. Her arrival into this world was a grand statement within itself. She had decided it was time and had started ?burrowing? her way out hands and feet first. The only safe passage into the outside world was via emergency caesarean. Her arrival marked with a very small cry. She amazed the Drs and Nurses with perfect Apgar scores 8/8 and though16 weeks early, our tiny 577gm baby girl was as strong and healthy as she could be.
No one could prepare Naomi and I for that overwhelming feeling of love, pride and joy that a new parent feels seeing our daughter for the first time being taken from the womb. Perfectly formed and incredibly dainty. Then the realization of how little she is and how early she had arrived settles in and with it came great fear and uncertainty.
Monday, was the first opportunity Naomi and I had to be with our daughter together. She was beautiful: her tiny body was no longer than this teddy (hold up Keva Bear). Sitting next to her watching every breath, every movement, time seemed to stand still. The first touch, what a wonderful experience knowing that she knew our voices and responded to us. She would reach out and take hold of your finger with her tiny hand, this one day old baby still with her eyes fused shut. An incredible experience, how could something so small and fragile be so strong with a touch so powerful. We laughed at the way she would frown like her father when she was handled and the way she would squirm and try to kick and push away the nurses when they needed to do things with her tubes.
Tuesday, she took her first feed. A tiny 1ml fed every 2 hours at first through a tube going directly into her stomach. We were constantly by her bedside. When we couldn?t be with her we called to check on her. The advantage for Naomi still being in the hospital meant that when she woke up at 3am se could go up and see Nikita. The early morning was the best time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It was a lot quieter which enabled her to do more hands on things. The difficulties of manoeuvring inside the humidity crib, with all the wires and tubes seemed to disappear. Without fear of Nikita?s size, Naomi took Nikita?s temperature, fed her, gave her a sponge bath and changed her nappy. Her nappy, the smallest ?normal? nappy placed under her the way a baby would wear it was like an oversized sleeping bag. It covered her entire body. Even these nappies (hold up the tiny nappy) that are especially designed for premature babies were far too big for our little girl.
Wednesday, Nikita decided it was time to open her eyes for the first time. This was a magical moment for Naomi, watching as the fused eyes of her daughter split open slowly. The expressions on Nikita?s face trying with all her might to open those eyes are priceless. An experience only a parent of an extreme premature baby could know as most babies go through this in the womb. Even though Nikita could not focus and see the way we do, when she heard her mums voice she ?looked? in her direction.
Thursday saw her first bowel movement. Not something that would normally be talked about or marked for a momentous occasion but for a premature baby it?s a good sign that her system has started to work. And who do you think got to change bubs first dirty nappy? Dad (me). Having to handle such a tiny baby was frightening enough, its scary having to pick her up let alone clean girl bits for the first time as well. The nurses helped instruct me and we got the job done without too much protest from Nikita.
By Friday her skin had gone from a rich red colour that was sticky to touch to a soft pink that was smooth and soft to ouch. Her dark hair was so soft and shiny. She seemed to have grown in length a little as well and every day she seemed stronger and healthier. No more need for the UV lights, and her breathing had improved. So many seemingly small milestones were reached. We were so proud of our little girl.
Saturday we could not believe how lucky we had been to have had such a great week. We knew there would be a long road ahead and were planning to sit down with the Drs to discuss what stage Nikita was up to and where we could go from this point.
Sunday our world was turned upside down. Through the day Nikita was very still and not quite her usual self. In the evening we discovered she had developed a horrible infection in her bowels. Of all the things that a premmie baby could get, Nikita had the hardest one to treat. The Drs had her tiny body dosed high on antibiotics to try to fight the infection; she had a blood transfusion and was given morphine to ease any pain. Our little girl was gravely ill.
It was a long night of waiting and hoping but come Monday the situation was critical. The infection had escaped her bowels and turned her body septic, our precious daughter lost her battle and died.
We wanted to share with each of you here today, the story of Nikita?s life. It?s just a small glimpse into a window of time that has been both our saddest and most treasured.
Nothing in life prepares you for the death of your child. The depth and intensity of the pain you feel is experienced by few, and is unlike anything that can be expressed in words. Yet somehow, the sadness is eased by the powerful feelings of love that only a parent can have for their child. We feel blessed to have been given a week with Nikita, to get to know her personality, to watch her grow and develop.
We feel fortunate that her time was shared with some of our family and friends. Nikita got to meet her grandparents Jenny and Graham, Janet and Ivan and her great grandmother Nancy. Her Uncles and Aunts Brendan and Jess, Hannah, Bruce and Paula, and she met two of her cousins Jess and Kate. She also got to meet her mum and dads dear friends Nell, Andrew and Sarah. We know that Nikita also touched the lives of the friends and family members who didn?t get the chance to meet her; she even touched the lives of people that are not a direct part of ours. What an amazing child.
We are and always will be grateful for all the assistance and support given to us by the Drs, Nurses and Midwives from both the Warragul Hospital and the Royal Women?s Hospital. We can never thank enough the specialists and staff from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Without all of them we may never have known Nikita at all.
To Our Dear Little Nikita,
Your name will be forever written in the book that is the Staben/Robb legacy. Thank you for bringing so much love and joy into this world. You have touched the lives and captivated the hearts of all who have known you. Our beautiful daughter we love you so very much, you will always be a part of our lives and your memory will live in our hearts forever.
Oh Nae, I am bawling. That is so very beautiful and touching. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I hope that it does help others - I am sure it will.
May I share what I wrote and read at my freinds Daughters funeral.
The ..........Family are like Family to us, although we have only been freinds for 3 years, it feels like a lifetime. Cooper is honoured to have the most loving godparents a child could want in Karen, Roy and Jess. The day Bella was born is one I will never forget. to see her enter the world was the most amazing and beautiful thing I will ever see. In her short time here Bella brought with her a love that touched everyone around her and in her passing she brings a touch of loneliness to us all, a void that will never be filled. We will forever hold her in our hearts and in our dreams, when we look into the nightsky we will find the brightest star and know that Bella is up there looking down on us all. Love always Gary, Mel , Gabby, Cody, Luke and Cooper
To be able to say something really meant a lot to me, But I dont think I would have the courage to have to do for my own child, NaeNae, that was really lovely and you are so strong to be able to do it, our thoughts are with you
nae,
that was beautiful i was in tears. as a baby born at 24 weeksc i know the battles and the uncertainty. i want you to know nikita will be always be remebered. .
take care love rach xxxx
Melham -thank you for sharing your tribute to Bella, that was so beautifully written and you can really feel every word. I wrote Niki's but hubby had to read it.
Once touched by an angel life can never be the same. Even though each day brings sadness, you do find joy and gladness also. In the sun that shines, the birds that sing, beautiful blooms, blue skies and butterflies.
Its never a matter of strength that gets you through, its looking for the beauty and joy in everything. Its not easy, but nobody said life would be but there are always things to be grateful for.
If anyone else wants to share theirs please feel free and to leave your childs name and dates as a title if you want afterall this is why I started this thread.
Nae - I have sat here for a good 15 minutes - as you know my baby was born at 815g and with every word that I read I could paint the picture for.
Something that I know is that you are amazing. YOu are special - through your grief instead of turning to bitterness and anger you have turned to wonder of what has been.
I prayed and hoped so hard that it was Nikkitas journey to stay here and grow. I cried buckets learning of her passing. She was incredibly blessed to have such exceptional parents. That extra twinkling of stars in the sky is her, watching over you, dancing in the sky with all the other Angel babies.
Thankyou for sharing my love. Sending you all the strength I can muster...
Naenae, that is truly beautiful. You have really managed to capture the personality of little Nikita and show us all how precious every moment of every life is. Tears are streaming down my face for your heartache and thank you so much for sharing this.
NaeNae,
That was so beautiful honey... you can truly feel the love you, your DH and your families have for Nikita in every word that is written.
Through my tears I wanted to let you know I am so grateful to you for sharing such an important part of Nikita with us all, thank you
Our darling little Lachlann
Our sweetest baby son.
Thers's so much mummy and daddy want to say,
but the words wont seem to come.
You are the shining light in our life,
our tiny first born Son.
From the moment we knew you were there,
Growing inside mummy's tum,
A sign to mummy and daddy that our life together had begun.
All our hopes and dreams for you have been set aside.
The one wish that we had was to hear you cry.
So we could hold you close and comfort you,
All day- All night.
To hold you in our arms,
To kiss you little cheek,
To protect you from lifes harms,
With just your little presence
You stirred a love so deep.
A Mothers love I have for you,
Cherished memories I will keep.
Firstly I would like to pass on my deepest sympathy to NAE and family on the loss of your precious little cherub Nikita. Also to all you other heartbroken families, my thoughts are with you also. I would like to thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us all. What an amazing thing for you to do at such a difficult time.
I wish I could have had the strength to write or read a euolgy at my daughter's funeral but we left it up to the funeral directors instead because it was just too hard to know the perfect words to say at the time. We knew what was in our hearts but couldn't find the strength to put it into words. I wish we had guidence or advice from others who unfortunately understood how the devastation we felt. You are amazing and this is such a beautiful thing you have done.
I didn't have the strength to read it aloud. The celebrant that we had did and I made little cards with the poem and a pic of us holding Lachie for everyone to keep. She was really lovely and even now I still keep in contact with her.
We are coming up for his 2nd anniversary and it feels so much more harder now than the first one. Even now I don't have the strength to write his story. Nae my heart goes out to you and yours. Dear little Nikita has a very special Mummy and Daddy and I'm sure she knows that.
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