Hi ladies. I'm new here...I don't even know where to begin. But it has helped to be able to read some of your stories and know that I'm not alone in this grief for a child. It's only just now that I feel like I can start talking about it. It's all I want to do now.
I delivered our 20 week old son Thomas on Dec. 6th and everyday since then has just been so empty feeling. He had the cord so tight around his little neck that the doctor couldn't even cut it off. As traumatic as it was to see him that way, it was helpful to my husband and I to know what had happened. I think the only thing that has really gotten me through is my other two children, daughter 2 and son 5. My daughter seems to have this weird sense of knowing whenever I feel sad. She'll come and find me even if I'm hiding out in the bathroom and ask me if I'm ok. It's very sweet. But sometimes I get angry because I AM sad, and I feel like I NEED to cry and she just won't let me alone. The last few nights I've waited until everyone is asleep and then went downstairs where they couldn't hear me, to be alone with my tears and sadness. I miss feeling him kicking and moving around.
Leaving my house is so hard right now. We live on a Marine Corps base and it seems every where I turn there is someone pregnant or with a brand new baby. It just makes me long for my son even more. My arms feel so empty. My belly is so flat already. I know it will become easier with time to bear this sadness...Someday.
Thank you for letting me share here. I feel like no one really understands despite their efforts at help and support. I know you ladies understand though. You are in my prayers. Please hold me in yours.
Dear Celeste. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I too lost my baby at 20 weeks on 3 Dec, so I understand the pain of watching your stomach flatten and your body return to normal. It is such a difficult time and no one can ever really understand the pain and grief you feel. It is a great comfort to me to be able to talk to other women on this site.
I will keep you in my prayers. Look after yourself and take the time to cry. Big hugs.
celeste - Like you I found out I lost my son at about 20 weeks. I know what you mean about seeing your body go back to normal. It made me so angry that it was all gone so fast. starbright is right. we are all good listeners. It can be a good feeling just knowing you are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.
Celeste - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This is a good place to bring out your grief. We are all here for you. you're in my prayers too, love. xoxoxox
Last edited by prama; December 20th, 2007 at 01:12 PM.
Celeste,
I truly am sorry for your very sad loss. All I can say it dont be afraid to let yourself cry in front of others. You need to let it all out! Let others be there for you.
I am thinking of you through this very hard time.
Celeste I am so so sorry for the loss of your son Thomas. I lost my son Cooper to a cord accident at 37 weeks and like you while it was hard to see the cord tightly around his neck, it gave me a reason as to why I lost my precious little boy. It still doesn't make sense to me how it happens or why.
When you lose a baby it is like all of sudden there are pg women and babies everywhere - it is so hard. I didn't go out for months because the pain was too much. Your arms and heart will be empty and it will take time to heal. Let yourself grieve, cry, scream, be angry. Do whatever you need to do to grieve for your son. There is lots of support here from women in similar situations that can help you travel this lonely and heartbreaking path to make it just a little bit easier each day.
It has just been a year since Cooper was born sleeping and the pain is still so raw, I still think of him every day and I still cry for him every time I think of him.
Big big hugs to you and your family
May Thomas play peacefully amongst the stars with all our angel babies :hugs:
i am sorry to hear of your loss my heart goes out to you honey sending big your way its such a hard thing to go through i only no to well i lost my little girl at 23 weeks over a yr ago now but the pain is still so raw you have come to a great place of us girls who truley no what you are going through and we all support each other throught the good and the tough times i hope the pain eases in time.
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I'm just now able to "talk" about it.
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