Hi ladies. I'm new here...I don't even know where to begin. But it has helped to be able to read some of your stories and know that I'm not alone in this grief for a child. It's only just now that I feel like I can start talking about it. It's all I want to do now.

I delivered our 20 week old son Thomas on Dec. 6th and everyday since then has just been so empty feeling. He had the cord so tight around his little neck that the doctor couldn't even cut it off. As traumatic as it was to see him that way, it was helpful to my husband and I to know what had happened. I think the only thing that has really gotten me through is my other two children, daughter 2 and son 5. My daughter seems to have this weird sense of knowing whenever I feel sad. She'll come and find me even if I'm hiding out in the bathroom and ask me if I'm ok. It's very sweet. But sometimes I get angry because I AM sad, and I feel like I NEED to cry and she just won't let me alone. The last few nights I've waited until everyone is asleep and then went downstairs where they couldn't hear me, to be alone with my tears and sadness. I miss feeling him kicking and moving around.

Leaving my house is so hard right now. We live on a Marine Corps base and it seems every where I turn there is someone pregnant or with a brand new baby. It just makes me long for my son even more. My arms feel so empty. My belly is so flat already. I know it will become easier with time to bear this sadness...Someday.

Thank you for letting me share here. I feel like no one really understands despite their efforts at help and support. I know you ladies understand though. You are in my prayers. Please hold me in yours.

Celeste