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Thread: I'm just now able to "talk" about it.

  1. #19

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    melbourne
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    200

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    hi celeste,
    you made me cry reading your story as your feelings are so simliar to mine. we lost our little baby jack on nov 30th (aged 17 weeks 5 days) and the night is the worst time for me. I too sneak into the toilet when my kids (aged 3 and 5) and husband are in bed and i can grieve in my own time on my own terms. My kids talk about "baby jack" quite often as they got to hold him in hospital and in a small way it is a comfort to know that he has impacted on them as much as me and my husband. I have just gone back to work this week to support my girls in a busy time of year and even today proved i am not ready to be there as I saw a newborn in my store and had to go to the toilet to have a quick cry. I feel bad when i don't cry but i feel bad when i do. its not a great moment for you now but know that there are many of us who will connect with you in some way and be thinking of you too. please take care...x


  2. #20

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Colorado, USA
    Posts
    241

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    oh, Celeste, i am so sorry for the loss of your son Thomas. i wish no one ever need feel this horrible pain. i have no words to make the grief less, but can offer ears to listen to your grief. we lost our son, Yeti, 9 months ago due to a cord accident. the searing pain, loneliness, anger, jealousy, depression and confusion are so much to bear. let your grief happen, whatever feeling is upon you, let it come now so that you can grieve now rather than later. your little girl will be better off for your living through grief and learning how to grieve from her mom. i can tell you that i feel better now than i did, but it took so long and got worse before it got better. after 4 months, i started to have some good days, so please take what hope you can that you too can make it to some better days. i still have horrible days, and miss Yeti terribly, and cry at inopportune times, but some times are actually good.

    the empty arms and belly are feelings i too went through, and even now feel them when a newborn is close by. i tried to stay away from those pregnant bellies and newborns, because they hurt so much. whenever i ran into them, i cried without caring who saw me or what they thought. do whatever you need to do, my dear.

    i am so sorry you have to be here, but glad that you have found this site. the folks here have helped me through some dark, dark times. i hope you too find support here, and hopefully at a support group and with a special friend or family member. big hugs to you, xxoom

  3. #21

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Out of my mind.... back in 10 mins.
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    365

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    Celeste, my heart goes out to you and your DH. I know the feeling of not wanting to go out because of all the baby bellies and new babies around. I also cry of a night not as often as I used to but it still happens when I have had a bad day.

    Is there any support services for you at the base your at. If not there are great councelers /psycholigists around who will help. I have 3 services who are helping me get back on track and it is slowly working. They come to me so I don't have to leave the house when I am haveing a bad day.

    Take care
    Chris

  4. #22
    CelesteEB Guest

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    Thank you so much for all your kind words or support and encouragement. It's comforting knowing things that I'm going through are normal and ok. No one really tells you how to live through this so some days I feel like I'm just walking around in a daze, often wondering what to do with myself.

    We've had some great people from our church call and offer their support and let us know about the local support groups for grieving parents. The man who called actually had lost his daughter at 24 after 10 years of suffering through cancer. I can't imagine. It was so kind of him to call. I haven't been to any meetings yet, nor have I visited with any counseling but now I'm feeling it may be a good way to really begin getting out of this fog I've been in.

    Lately I had been wondering if I had handled things correctly with my son, by not having him come to the hospital to see the baby. He asks often about his brother, and so I wondered if perhaps he had needed that closure by seeing him. But after discussing it with my mom who had come to be with me after labor, she assured me I had done the right thing. I thought perhaps in my state of horror and despair I had robbed him of something that he had needed, but she assured me that it had indeed been very traumatic for her to even see our Thomas as he was after birth and that it would have just been cruel to have put him through it. With time he'll come to accept his brother won't be coming home...it's just the times now when he asks when he'll be coming home that break my heart.

    Peace to you all,
    Celeste

  5. #23

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Dunedin New zealand
    Posts
    1,545

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    It so hard to make decisions when you are sad and stressed, you just do what you think is right at the time, dont be so hard on yourself, sending you a big hug.

  6. #24

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    Where Chaos is fun and plentiful!!!!
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    Hi Celeste, i thought i would point you in the direction of some other ladies who are recently suffering through a 20 week loss..... the thread is the Trying to concieve after late loss thread, http://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums/...ad.php?t=53215

    A few of the girls in there are in a very similar position to you, it might help you to meet them.... you dont HAVE to be trying yet, i just thought it might be of use for you to meet them!!

    I hope you are doing ok.

    StarBright
    xoxox

  7. #25

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    near the water
    Posts
    1,230

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    Celeste,
    I lost my dd at 20 weeks, and everyday I wonder if I did things the "right way". All I can say after 4 yrs is that I'm sure I didnt and now I would do it different, but I cant. You would be suprised at how much not too graphic information children feel like they need. I had nieces and nephews that would talk to me the most frank way and it made me feel more validated as a mother as "other" people would often avoid the subject.
    You have been through alot and life is cruel in the way that one day we can be laughing with bulging bellies only to wake from a nightmare with flat tummys and milk flowing...my heart goes out to you
    Bec

  8. #26

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    Celeste there are so many things that I would have changed but we all make the best decisions we can at the time. You never think that anything like this can happen to you so you don't prepare yourself. As long as you include Thomas and tell your son about his little brother and one day he will understand that his brother isn't coming home, but that he will always have an angel watching over and protecting him

  9. #27

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    10

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    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. This forum eases a little bit of our grief. xx

  10. #28

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    I am so sorry to hear about your son Thomas, it must be so hard to be constantly confronted by other peoples babies

    You have come to the right place for support, the ladies here are wonderful and will help you get through the very dark days that just keep appearing.

    Look after yourself and your DH.

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