OMG
I hope the nurses were nice to you as some can be a bit uncareing.
Don't feel guilty... its not your fault in any way.
Try and enjoy christmas with your beautiful little man, as he needs his mum.
I know it is easier said than done!!!! But I am putting on a brave face for my kids as I am not looking forward to christmas at all. But I do it for the kids as thats what christmas is for "the kids"

Take care
Chris