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Thread: I'm not quite sure how to feel atm. I'm hurting.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Canberra, Australia

    Default I'm not quite sure how to feel atm. I'm hurting.


    I don't know quite how to feel today. I have just found out that my good friend has just lost her little angel at 12 weeks.

    I feel so badly for her as I was 13 wks with my last mc just a couple of months ago... I can be there for her, and I will be. But I don't know if I can be of much help... its all a little too close to home for me. Its just brought all of my emotions back. I am crying. I don't even really know why. I mean, I'm sad for her and I'm sad because I lost my baby but... well I don't know!

    I'm sorry. I just feel a bit lost. I have never felt so alone.

    DH is wonderful and would understand but I can't bear to lean on him and be this sad little wifey all of the time. Also, I need to be strong for Kaleb. He can't see his Mum like this. What kind of a role model is that?

    Everyone else appears to beover it. Its been more then 6 weeks... so its 'old news'. Its no longer important. I know people never see me cry but I'm still hurting. SO MUCH.
    Can I please be weak? Just for today. Let me cry and don't tell me to 'pull it together'. don't tell me its going to be ok or that it 'just wasn't meant to be'. I know you're trying to help, but it doesn't help. It just hurts even more because it feels like you're telling me I'm over-reacting.

    I'm sorry ladies. I just had to let some anger out. I'm never angry... but I feel a bit angry now. I had to let it out or it would have consumed me. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be so upset. Perhaps I'm just really bad at this. So many of you seem so strong. So many of you have been through so much and yet you seem to be so together. Am I overreacting? I know I'm not being super rational atm. I just needed to be not ok for a moment. Thank you for letting me do that.

    I should be 24 wks on thursday. He would be kicking. He would be moving. He would be... but he's not.

  2. #2


    You're not overreacting. I think what you are feeling is normal. I lost a baby at 12wks in September last year. I still calculate how old he or she would have been (about the same age as the babies of two friends of mine). I think "I should have a 5mth old baby by now". I still find it hard to be around other people who are pregnant. I feel an ache when i see women with preggie bellies. Meanwhile i also, like you, am aware of how pg i should have been by now with the next baby i miscarried...about 14 wks. I don't have any clever answers for you. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's ok to cry. I think your husband would understand too: From what you say you are not always the sad wife but rather you rarely let him see you are sad. Maybe it's ok to do that now and then? And i know what you mean about trying not to show it to the little one you already have... but hopefully there is also time when your DS is sleeping or busy when you can have time for you and don't have to make a 'brave face'. Be kind to yourself if you are not always up to actively supporting your friend. You can only do what you can do.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Gold Coast



    First of all I am so sorry this happened to you, and to your friend. I wanted to let you know it's ok to cry. It's ok to feel low. It's ok to feel angry and robbed and disappointed. And I'll tell you what kind of role model you'll be for your DS. A mother who isn't afraid to show some realism. A mother who is strong enough to be there for her DS even though she's grieving her lost babies. A mother who CARES. Don't be afraid to let him see you upset. Loss is a part of life, and I think it's important for all children to gain an understanding of what it means to be sad, to grieve, and how to express it in a healthy way. I lost my father when I was just a baby myself, and I always felt regretful that mum never had the courage to share his life with us. She was always too afraid of 'falling apart'. As a result of this, we weren't really allowed to discuss him, and I don't really know him on a personal level. I know what he stood for, but not WHO he was. I know this is a different situation, but it's so important for your darling boy to experience and understand all emotions. Not just the happy fluffy-bunny rainbow ones. Your ability to be his example of dealing with grief and going on with life will form his coping skills for the rest of his life.

    You know what though? It sounds to me like you're doing it just right. There is no rulebook or timeline for grief. You do what works for you, and move through this however you need to. I think your friend would also appreciate you being there for her, too. Given your experience, you won't need to say anything. Just sit with her, hold her, and 'help her to cry'. That can be just beautiful, and few brave people are able to do this.

    This is all just my opinion, and my experience. I just wanted to share with you, and let you know we're all here to support you.


  4. #4

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Western Australia, SOR


    so trying not to cry right now. I was supposed to be 26weeks Thursday gone. I have been trying to put it to the back of my mind but your post just reminded me of all the developmental things that *should* be happening right now huge hugs to you all

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jul 2010


    oh hun, u feel however you want and no one will judge u ur more than entitled to feel the way u do and expect ppl not to judge u wat u went through was a big deal and i feel for u... u deserve those days of wanting to feel however u want without anyone telling u to pull up and be brave mwaaa to u hun.. ur a brave lady and a very very good mum...
    Last edited by *Sparklez*; August 28th, 2010 at 06:58 PM. Reason: removing sig. out of respect

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