Just a very very tiny angel

[smamfa]

It's been 12 days since I tested (nervously) at 12dpo and got a faint bfp.
It's been 11 days since I tested again, with a slightly darker bfp, which i wrapped up and gave to my husband as a present after he came home from work and tears stood out in his eyes.
For a week after that I walked around with a delicious secret, and every twinge of my breasts would remind me I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant! I was so thrilled that after the stressful process it was to conceive my first, that I had turned into one of those people who can get pregnant quickly and simply and easily. I wanted to tell the world, but we didn't yet.
It's been 4 days since I woke up and I knew that I did not feel in the least bit pregnant anymore. I had not had huge symptoms before that, but I knew it straight away when they stopped. I felt nothing, nada. I tested again, the line was still there. It was not as dark as I would have liked.
For three days I was worried, teary and didn't sleep.
It's been 2 days since I went to the dr and had a bloodtest. She said I would probably still be pregnant, but she would give me the referral for the ob later at another appointment if everything worked out. I felt better after that, I was doing something. And maybe, maybe, I was just being a big stress-pot and the numbers would come back high as the sky.
It's been 2 days since I started spotting.
It's been 1 day since my hcg results came back at 89 (5weeks1day), and then I knew. I already knew, but it was better not to have that little whispering hope spiking me up and down.
It's been an afternoon since I started bleeding properly. Just an af really, I can look at it like that, just af come 10 days late.
It's been at least an hour since I cried.

Oops, make that a second.


Mine is just a little little story. It didn't last very long. I was organised this time and have a scan and an ob appt written in blue in the calendar. I miss being pregnant.

[Stevie]

oh sweety
you just gave me goosebumps.
Im so sorry for your loss

[bookworm12]

I'm so sorry for your loss--this is a great place for support. Take your time to grieve and deal with your emotions, and rely on the wonderful people here.

[Muffy]

oh no, im so sorry....
xxxx

[mrsmac]

I am so sorry for your loss, they all hurt no matter when they happen. Look after yourself hun.

[Eenee]

oh smamfa, big I'm so sorry for your loss! emxx

[buliej]

I am so very sorry - and know all too well how empty and lonely you feel right now.

[diannescruffy]

So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping 24wks
Trisomy 13

[Elocin]

Oh Smamfa... I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss.

Allow yourself the time to grieve hun

Take care of you

[ElleJay]

Oh hun, I am so sorry for your loss

[Butterfly Child]

Im so truly sorry hunny my thoughts and prayers are with you xx

[cheekyfrog]

Big hugs, Smamfa. I am sorry your little one has left you. Thinking of you.

Kerry

[starangelk]

I am so sorry this has happened.

[Marlene]

It doesn't matter how small your angel is...they are still YOUR angel.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[CharlieBrownGirl]

smamfa, i'm so sorry for your loss.
sending you lots of and love.
take care and know that you have lots of caring BB friends who are thinking of you.

[MistyFying]

Oh no I'm very sorry for you loss

[Lisa]

Hugs honey. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thank you for sharing your story smamfa.

The size of the angel doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is the size of the imprint they left on your heart