I wasn't going to post in here. to be honest, i wasn't going to come on this site ever again, or at least until I was planning something and wanted more of the wonderful support I have recieved here. I thought I needed to move on, continue with the direction my life was taking until i was shocked with this pregnancy . finish my degree, work hard, save money and go travelling. Today I just can't stop crying. IT was today last week that I started bleeding properly. I've been really good, you know, I'm a social work student. I just social worked myself and made sure i was dealing with everything properly. yesterday was really good, the happiest I've been all year, i wasnt tired and confused and scared and had a really good day and good shift behind the bar. I thought i was moving forward. then this morning i woke up and i've been crying ever since. I want my baby. i want everything it promised and that i had decided to fight for, fight my family who thought it was a bad decision, tell the unsuspecting father. i want it back. i want to know if it was a boy or a girl. now i'm scared that i will never have a child in a way that I was never scared before. and i can't know, i wish life was a pick your own adventure novel where i could peek at the outcome before I chose a path. becasue now i'd pick the outcome where i have a family. i'll never have my first pregnancy again. it's over and today i'm finding that really hard. sorry i'm just rambling. thanks for reading.