I found out I was pregnant right away with our 3rd child towards the end of August. Before I even knew I was late my oldest son was talking about his baby sister. I figured out I was late and we started prenatal care around the 5th week. I felt so positive about this pregnancy considering my 2nd son was born 10 weeks early. I had some bleeding problems with him from the beginning of my 2nd trimester on. At the 25th week I was hopsitalized and got steroids for his lungs and he wasn't born for another 5 weeks. Both of my boys are healthy and I was positive about this 3rd pregnancy.

After sex one day in October I had some red blood. I was devastated because I felt oh no, here we go again. It lasted for one day. 10 days later I started spotting and it never really stopped. It would just get light for a couple of days. Maybe one or two days there was nothing, but then it would go back to spotting, then a little more, then a little more. Cramps this time. I didn't have that with the second pregnancy and it was scarey. I went to the emergency room and had to insist on an ultrasound because I was so early the ER doc didn't seem to think it mattered if I knew if I was miscarrying or not. But there she was...she was ok. That was around week 14.

I was being watched closely, going to the dr every week or two and was on bedrest for most of that time. I was hospitalized overnight at week 19(the week of Thanksgiving) for bleeding again. Ultrasounds indicated that her fluid was low but the doc said everything looked ok and I was released to go home and I spent Thanksgiving with my family and went for another check up the Friday after Thanksgiving and everything looked ok. The doc said her fluid was still low, but he classified it as low/normal. He scheduled me for an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist.

I went to that appointment last Wednesday. The night before I was starting to get heavy and was so glad I had a dr's appointment the next day. However, I had no idea what that next day was going to be like for me and my family. My ultrasound with the specialist indicated an placental abruption and my baby had no fluid left. She was still alive with a heartbeat of 162. But the outcome was bleak. It didn't take long though. I went home and had consistent bleeding and cramping/contractions, etc. Once it went into my back I couldn't take it and called my regular doc and he sent me to the hospital and when I got there she was still alive with a strong heartbeat. Within an hour and a half I delivered my little girl. She was born on 12/3/08 @ 4:56pm & weighted 7.4 ounces & was 9 inches long.

I held my baby in my arms. I kissed her. We took pictures. We named her Trina Lynn. We had a memorial for her on Saturday at our church. And now I am left with trying to figure out how to live my life. Thank God I have two little boys that I have to live for. And I am completely blessed with the best supportive husband in the world! It is horrible to have to deal with this emotional pain. And on top of that I have to deal with the physical pain of my milk coming in. Milk that was meant for my little girl but instead of I have to deal with the pain of engorged hard breasts. Other than that I physically feel better except for some lingering back pain and only minimal cramps. The bleeding is getting lighter. Now I just wish I was still bleeding because I was carrying my baby and trying to overcome those issues. But I know I didn't do anything wrong and there wasn't anything I could've done to prevent this. But as a mother it is just difficult to know I couldn't protect her. I could've save her or get her even 4 more weeks to possibly save her life.

This is all just fresh and new for me so I'm just here to figure out what to do next and how to go on living my life without my daughter.