M/C no.2 -

[josijo]

I just had m/c no.2 on Tuesday. And very possibly two chem pregnancies recently too. And well, I feel awful......

My first m/c was in April 2007 at 7.5 weeks. I started to spot, had an ultrasound and bubs was measuring behind at 6 wks 1 day with an irregular heartbeat. Within two days it was all over. I miscarried naturally but had a lot of pain and wound up spending a night in the hospital on morphine.

After that I felt hopeless, like I would never been a mother. It had been a long road TTC to that first BFP. But to my surprise we fell preg again the first cycle after the m/c. I spent weeks in fear that I would lose this baby too and cried a lot and did not enjoy the early stages of pregnancy at all. I didn't relax until after the 12 week NT scan. My DD was born screaming her lungs out in Feb 08.

In December last year we weren't really trying but after realising my period was late I did a test with a feint positive. We were elated. The next day I did another test and nothing but it was days until my period started and it was heavy.

Nothing happened in Jan but on the Feb cycle I got an another BFP....only for it to fade the next day and to have an extremely heavy period.

So we tried again in March and I got a strong positive. I kept testing and testing (I should have just handed all my wages over to the chemist I bought so many tests) and all the lines kept on getting darker.

I had a scan at 6 weeks 3 days and all was good, my ob said that the heartbeat was strong. The next scan was booked in for Tuesday at 8 weeks 3 days.

I feel so silly as after the 6 week scan I relaxed. I started to feel confident. Bubs was there measuring what it should and there was a strong heartbeat. I'd been so miserable through my early preg with DD that I thought I don't want to be like that again and wanted to be positive. And that's why I feel so dumb. I didn't tune into my body at all - or rather I did but didn't listen to what it was telling me. My boobs weren't terribly sore and well, I was wasn't constipated. At this stage of pregnancy with my DD Metamucil was my best friend. But I kept telling myself that every preg is different.

At the scan on Tuesday there wasn't any heartbeat and bubs was measuring 6 weeks 2 days. So basically bubs must have died shortly after we had the scan.

My obs offered me the choice of a natural m/c or a D&C next Tuesday. With the first m/c a natural miscarriage was my idea of hell. The pain was so violent that I didn't want to go through it again. And I have my DD to look after now too, who knew when it would put me out of action. But the thought of waiting a week for a D&C....I burst into tears and said to the ob 'I don't want to walk around with a dead baby inside me for another week'. Suddenly a D&C was organised for that evening which I was very grateful for.

The ob said he would organise chromosonal testing and take blood from me.

So by 9pm that night it was all over and I haven't had much bleeding. It feels so different to my first m/c which was dragged out and painful and this one was pretty clincial.

But even though I have my DD it doesn't hurt any less than the first one, if anything it's worse. With the first I wondered if I would ever have kids but now I have proof that we can have a healthy and happy child, so why on earth can't we do it again? Now I don't seem to have any trouble falling pregnant - the trouble is that the babies aren't sticking!!!

My DH is the opposite and says that DD gives him hope that we CAN do it again. But of course, he is still struggling with all this.

I suppose I should wait until all the test results are in but then I've done some reading that indicates that you don't always get an answer. And we feel like trying to TTC again and hope we just fluke it like we did with DD......That's what it feels like, that it was a fluke.

Sorry for the long post but it feels therapeutic to get it out.

[ubba82]

Hi josiso,

Having a m/c is a terrible thing to go through, but having it happen over gain must be just heartbreaking. Im glad you have posted her, believe it or not, it acts as good therapy. If I was you, I would wait for test results to come back. It might be a long wait but they might come back with a simple reason why this keeps happening and be able to do something about it, rather than going through the heartbreak again.

Good luck with your journey.

xx

[Turkish Delight]

Hi Josijo,

Sorry about all your losses. I've been through 1 miscarriage and decided to have a D&C. It was very traumatic and i can sympathise with your feelings.

You know that you can fall pregnant and carry the baby to full term as you have a beautiful DD. I know a few ladies here on BB can't carry boy babies and that may be your case too.

I too, believe that you should wait for the test results before TTC, as the results may give you some much needed answers to your questions.

Goodluck and i know you will fall pregnant with beautiful baby sometime real soon.

xxoo

[laluna]

Josijo,
m/c is devastating especially if you have had several. I have had three and been asking questions and searching for reasons for a long time. I have had 2 d&c's and then waited for chromosomal tests to come back. The wait seems like forever because like you we were eager to start TTC again. It can be hard not knowing what is going on and I am sick of hearing that it was just one of those things.(by ob.)
I deceided to keep trying and have faith that one day it will all work out. People are faced with many hardships and decisions and you just have to do what is right for you at the time.
I am so sorry for your losses and wish you all the luck for the future.
Laluna

[Miss.B]

Hi josijo,
I am so sorry for your losses hun, it is so heartbreaking I'm sure. I've had one late m/c last year and can't imagine ever having to go through it again (early or late).
All I can tell you is that don't ever give up the hope as I'm sure you'll get your second earth baby soon. Look into all the possible 'scenarios' of why the bubs didn't stick. It must be so heart breaking to be told, 'it was just one of these things'. I wish you much success in future hun, and I'm sending you lots of strength and hope to get you through this difficult time.
B xxx