Hi everyone,
I lost my baby on Thursday night, he (i say he because I could just feel a male spirit around) was 5 weeks 6 days, but I was meant to be 9 weeks or so pregnant.
I have to have an ultrasound today, so they can make sure that theres nothing stuck in there, and I really dont think that I can do it.
Im terrified. Last time I had an ultrasound was hard enough, because I was expecting to see a healthy baby and when they finally found him he had no heartbeat and everything was wrong. And now I have to go and see that theres nothing in there anymore.
I want my baby back, and I know that I cant because he doesnt exist anymore and with this ultrasound im going to have to face that head on.
I dont understand why I hurt so much when I was only so early on in the pregnancy!? I miss this baby, i loved him, and I dont get how I can have so much love for a baby that I never met and never will meet. How can I miss someone this badly? Am I going to get over this?
Half the time im fine, and so my friends and mum dont know that I feel like this, but my partner does, and its really confusing to be fine one moment and then desperately sad the next, when I just want to feel fine again!