My story - May be disturbing

[ulysses_blue]

Hi all

Apologies if this is long....But I just need to get it out. According to the doctors at Townsville Hospital, my case appears less than once a year so it's been hard to find support that actually understands.

My miscarriage was not one of realising I was miscarrying at home. I had been spotting and cramping on and off through my pregnancy, but had a healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks for my dating scan. So when I wiped red one day instead of pink I booked in with my GP to see what was going on. She checked my cervix and said it looked really good, there was no pooling blood, she can only assume a mild placenta tear. She booked me in for another ultrasound and took bloods for Beta HCG. That same night while we were babysitting and were at the cinema and the cramps got heavier and more uncomfortable, radiating up my back and through my ribs. Within about 10 minutes of these starting, I started to bleed. I went to the toilets and lost quite a bit of blood. I ended up going as quickly as possible back to the cinema and telling DH we had to leave NOW. He panicked and got us to my Dad's house (which was on the way) for towels to get us to hospital but when I got out of the car we realised how much I had lost and called the ambulance. By the time I got to hospital I had lost close to 1L of blood. I was rushed into emergency where I lost 2-3 softball sizes clots (sorry TMI) and what we believe was our baby. I then started to crash. My blood pressure went through the floor and I woke up a few seconds later to a room full of people and a gynaecologist talking to me through a haze of morphine about what was happening. From what I understand post surgery, I had a clot caught in my cervix which was diverting blood away from everywhere important, raising my heart rate and dropping my blood pressure. She had to remove this clot in the ED.....Not the most comfortable of procedures I can assure you. I was then rushed up to surgery for an emergency D&C. I woke up after surgery to DH crying next to me. The nurses had let him come in for a little bit even though he wasn't technically allowed (huge thank you).

On seeing the OBGYN the next day, I found out I had lost about 2L of blood and would be there at least another day and was looking at a transfusion. I was also lucky to be alive. At that point I cried. For DH, for the baby, for my family. I ended up getting the transfusion and was in hospital for 3 days.

What makes it really hard now, is that I can't function. I can't do a load of washing without needing to sleep for 2 hours, I can't clean my house, I can't go for a walk. I can't even play with my dog without being exhausted. It makes it really hard to grieve and then find a distraction for a while when you can't physically do anything.

We're also torn with guilt because although we were excited and amazed that I fell pregnant (I was diagnosed with PCOS not long before falling), we're also relieved because it was unexpected and both being students we were financially unprepared.

On the flip side, we're both keen to give ourselves 12 months for me to get healthy and try again. We had a plan in place for me to continuing study while DH works etc and we think we can manage it. But I think we both need time to heal and process. Whether we decide on 3 months or 3 years away, we need to feel like we're not replacing our little one before we can try again.

Sorry this has been so long and graphic...I just needed to get it out....And if there is anyone who has been in the same situation I would love to be able to talk...

Thanks

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thank you for sharing your story

You lost a lot of blood darl, you're bound to be exhausted for a while. Give yourself a chance to build back up again. I didn't have anything close to your experience, but I found I was exhausted for about a week after my d&c which was a standard, non-emergency procedure which caused barely any bleeding. Plus a blood transfusion will also send your body into battle as well, because the new blood is a foreign object. It's only been a week, take it easy on yourself. The 12 months is a good idea, especially after your experience

[MummaSue]

Thank you for sharing your story hun!

You will be exhausted, you've physically been through the mill!

Hope that you start feeling like yourself again soon. xxxx

Sue xxxxx

[diannescruffy]

So sorry for your loss . When I had a miscarriage at 13wks I haemoraged and was on the verge of needing a transfusion but luckily for me the bleeding stopped. It will take your body a while to heal after what you have been through. Try and rest as much you can and grieve for your baby in any way you know how.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

[Olive]

so sorry darl for your loss
have you had your iron levels tested and are you on iron supplements?

[chepie]

Oh hun what a frightening experience ....... I am so sorry for your loss of your angel.... I had a ruptured ectopic with mass internal bleeding and too almost died, I lost 2l of blood and required a blood transfusion.... Physically it took a good couple of months to not be so tired, even getting out of bed to go to the bathroom was exhausting! I took iron supplements which helped..... All I can say is be kind to yourself and take your time mentally and physically too, cry/yell/scream what ever you need to do, do it you and your man have been through a lot xxxxx

[Mum2Romone]

So sorry for your recent loss sweety and the hospital stay that went along with it

I too went through exactly the same thing though it happened on Fathers Day ( 5/9/10) and I was 11weeks 3 days)

it was a massive shock to us too

I am still going thorugh it though as I didnt get a D &C. I too feel so weak I have to sit down constantly and cant even play with my son, hanging out the washing makes me sooo dizzy. (I lost alot of blood too)

Pm me if you want to talk ....Our losses are almost identical

[ulysses_blue]

So sorry for your recent loss sweety and the hospital stay that went along with it

I too went through exactly the same thing though it happened on Fathers Day ( 5/9/10) and I was 11weeks 3 days)

it was a massive shock to us too

I am still going thorugh it though as I didnt get a D &C. I too feel so weak I have to sit down constantly and cant even play with my son, hanging out the washing makes me sooo dizzy. (I lost alot of blood too)

Pm me if you want to talk ....Our losses are almost identical

That would be great thank you! I also have to finish uni this semester....So I think it's going to be by correspondence at this point

And I am on iron supplements. Will be seeing my GP pretty regularly for a few months I think

[Aussiegirl777]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Last year I too was in hospital in a slightly similar situation and I also required a blood transfusion. It was a very scary time for myself and my DP. I felt terrible that my DP had to watch me crash like that. I still feel sick when I think back to that night. But time heals and that is the most important thing. After a blood transfusion you need to take time to recover. It will likely be closer to a month before you even begin to feel slightly more energetic and of course everyone is different. However it is very important that you do rest and take time to recover both physically and also mentally. What you and your DH have been through is a terrible thing. I hope that each day gets better for you.

[ulysses_blue]

Hiya....Thanks everyone! Had another round of blood tests yesterday and my blood count is steadily climbing which is great! Won't need another transfusion. Doc is happy and each day is getting less exhausting to get through....I am back at uni week after next which will probably drain me a little bit but I have extensions on all my assessments which is good. I don't think the pain of losing our little one will ever go away but it is getting easier to cope with. Little things set both of us off but I think that will happen forever. My MIL has helped. She went through two stillbirths - one at 6 months and one at 7 1/2 months so talking to her has been good. DH still has a bit to get off his chest but it's coming out bit by bit. He's still pretty shaken by the whole thing and I think the process is taking a bit longer to get through. He's still too worried about me for the full loss of bub to sink in fully. He's got some crappy times to get through

All in all though, thanks for the messages! It helps hearing from other people who have been through it all

[Inertia]

Hi Ulysses,

I can very much relate to how you are feeling physically. I have previously been through a massive 3l hemorrhage and 'manual removal of clots', which is without a doubt in all my experience the most horrific thing I have ever been awake for. I was transfused with 2 units and kept in hospital for 5 days. Made it home for christmas but people look back on those photos now and comment that I look like a ghost. It took a very long time before I could fully function again. In the case of whether you are physically ready, a few short months later I became pregnant again and carried a term baby, but it did take a great deal out of me just to function during the day. I was completely exhausted most of it and suffered a bit from the perspective of DH not understanding how hard it really was. I also still have obnoxiously low BP and am still anemic near 9 years later. I also developed an antibody that affects future pregnancies from a mismatch of a more intricate layer of blood typing, that is so hard to explain half the doctors I have spoken to don't even know what it is.

It can affect such a huge layer of your life and you need to know in yourself that you are ready because you are the one doing the hard yards. Please look after yourself, don't feel guilty about sleeping and certainly dont be too upset if you are still exhausted a lot. You need to let your body heal.

[ulysses_blue]

Thanks BR - I appreciate the feedback. I am much better than I was but little things do exhaust me still! I had to leave my brothers wedding at 10pm because I had a pounding headache and would have fallen asleep at the table. Hits you suddenly too. One minute you think you're doing ok and the next you're exhausted. DH and I are hoping to leave trying again for at least 12 months just so I have time to recover. I still have to finish uni so we can't afford for me to be drop dead tired! I'm hoping I don't develop the antibody but I do know what you're talking about - I'm hoping because they had my blood type and didn't need to cross-match that I get lucky.... I definitely don't feel guilty for sleeping, I just feel like I'm missing out on valuable hours in my day! But I know I can get them back if I take advantage of sleeping now!

Thanks again for the reply - It definitely helps

[*Sparklez*]

so sorry for ur loss hun, hope u feel better soon, GL babe