Hi I am new to BB but I need somewhere to turn in hopes of recovering from my loss.
My husband and I have been married since Oct and began TTC right away. Even before we were married we weren't using any form of BC, so by the beginning of Dec we spoke with my gyno about help conceiving. We are young, but want a baby soon. I had a miscarriage in 03 at 6 weeks before I had even realized I was pregnant. We were afraid we would have trouble TTC due to the m/c, but in Jan I missed my AF and tested positive on Jan 26. We were ecstatic and surprised. We went in the next day to the gyno and she confirmed the pregnancy by doing an ultrasound to see that the sac was in place. It appeared empty by she said it was just too early to see anything yet (I was only 5w 4d by my calculations). She tested all my hcg and other hormone level. Everything tested normal except my progeterone levels were low so she prescribed Crinone gel. Everything went okay, we went back to gyno on Feb 9 at 7w 3d. Gyno said baby measured only 6w 4d but everything looked perfectly fine. We saw the ultrasound, we could see our little peanut moving and the heartbeating strong on the screen. I had no morning sickness, no cramping, no bleeding. Went back to gyno on Mar 2 at 10w 3d and the gyno couldn't find the heartbeat with the dopplar. She said that's not weird but let's do an ultrasound to make sure eveything is ok. I knew from the minute the screen came on something was wrong. I could see my peanut and she was so much bigger than last time but there was no movement and definately no heartbeat. The gyno said baby measured exactly 10w but the heart had probably stoppe 2-3d before. We we heartbroken. We went to the radiologist to get a more thorough US with the same results. My husband told me later he stood there staring at the screen begging the heartbeat to just show up. The gyno talked to me right away about having a D&C done, and I did the next day. Physically, I have almost completely healed now only a week later but emotionally I am still a wreck. I thought my m/c 6y ago was just a fluke and would never happen again, but it did. We want to try again and the gyno says we have the go ahead in a month, as soon as I get AF again. We have talked about it and my husband even the day of surgery says we will try right away again, but i'm very scared. I don't think I could stand to go thru this heartbreak again. Once we had seen the heartbeat at 5w we told pretty much everyone because everything seemed perfect compared to my first. Even my husband now says he's scared to have this heartbreak again but even more so he doesn't want to see me going into surgery again and having the physical pain on top of the emotional pain. I haven't even returned to work yet because I don't want people asking me about it an me having to explain. How can I help myself get thru this?