firstly emma - i want to send you a massive hug - losing a child is traumatic in any circumstances, but yours were terrible in that you were forced to make such a tough decision

i can't tell you when you'll be ready to move on - it's something only you will know. there are other lovely ladies on BB who will surely drop in and offer you more advice, but the one thing that sprang to my mind when reading your post is that perhaps you need to speak to someone other than your family. your partner and your parents have been there through all of this - i think speaking to someone who wasn't involved (counsellor), so that you can pour your whole story out and seek their advice on coping mechanisms would be a huge help.

take care hun