A year ago today

[Blixie]

A year ago today i found out i'd never meet my 1st bubba....

I was at my 12 week scan but bubs was only 7weeks and there was no heartbeat...

I'm now 15 weeks and 2 days pregnant, but finding it really hard to deal with today... my close friend said to me when i called her crying "What does that one matter now you're having a new one" that did it i'm a blubbering mess... Not even my partner understands. It still hurts and it will never stop hurting i feel so... empty, i should already be a mum! Why cant anyone just give me a hug and listen to my feelings instead of telling me to stop crying, think of this bub etc. sometimes you have to cry but i feel like i cant unless i'm alone

[AJC]

Hey Jessey

Sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure your friend didn't mean to offend but it was a pretty insensetive thing to say. As Kim said, people who haven't been through it don't understand.

If crying makes you feel better than have a good cry, I think you should have a special place in your heart for bub whether you m/c early pregnancy or if you carry healthy bub to term. I've had 2 x m/c and there is not a day goes by that I don't think of them & what 'should' have been. Even when I (hopefully) go on to have healthy babies I will still think of the little two before them.

You said your partner doesn't understand - sometimes men deal with things in different ways. I've never saw my DH cry or anything after our m/c's but I know inside it was really cutting deep, he was just sort of quiet and tried to be stong for me. Have you talked much together about things?

Take care of yourself & congrats on your pregnancy.

[Blixie]

Thanks for the kind words guys...

I know my friend didnt mean to hurt me she is just very tactless, doesn't make what she said ok though.

I have tried to talk to my partner about this but everytime i do he says "isnt it time to let this go" etc etc we have never ever talked about it, i've never seen him show ANY emotions over it and its frustrating!

[~Tash~]

Hi Jessey,
I am very very sorry for your loss, big hugs....

[bettyboop]

Hi Jessey,sorry for your loss, some people just dont understand , they mean well.Try not to let it get to you.sending you a big hug. we will never forget our little angles.

[Shanti]

Jessey :hugs: :hugs:

[munchy]

Hi Jessey

i am so sorry to hear of your loss honey and the first yr is always so hard on the 12 nov just gone my baby girl should have been celebrating her first birthday as her due date was 12/11/06 but no one remembered not even my DH i feel like everyone has fogoten and like you i feel as though i cant cry unless i am on my own but i no that you should cry whenever and wherever you want as you lost your first baby and no matter what anyone said your baby was growing inside you and you had a special connection that no one can take away you had your hopes and dreams for that baby and for it all to be taken away so you have every right to be upset and your firend shouldnt have really said what she did as its comments like that , that stick in your head but im sure she didnt mean it and as to men they are in a whole different world to us girls my dh cried when we found out about the problems our baby had and cried when i gave birth to her and cried at the funeral but then nothing even a yr on i sometimes cry myself to sleep i wait till my DH is asleep and then i let it all out i just cant help myself i think its natural for you to be feeling the way you are i hope you get through this day.

Take care honey

munchy xxx

[chris]

Hi Jessey
My heart goes out to you!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss last year.
At the moment your pregnancy hormones are running rampent and how your feeling is normal. Go and see your Gp and get a referal to a counciler for some grief counciling. So that you can talk to someone who understands what your going through.
Are you going to your local public hospital for Anti Natal, if you are ask if there is a counciler there that could help you.
When I was preg with my DS I had a midwife visit me at home for a few months while I was preg and after he was born (she was a homcare midwilfe I think). We just sat and talked about anything and everything and it helped me alot as I had no one to talk to who understood what I was worried about.

Take care
Chris

[Lani81]

hey Jessey
exactly the same thing has just happened to me. I went for my 12 week scan on Friday only to be told the baby had died at 8 weeks. Its pretty devastating, i know. i dont know how ill feel in a year, but i dont plan on ever forgetting. I think some people find the thought of miscarriage so scary that they dont realise that when you've had one, you really need to talk about it. My family and my best friends are happy to talk with me now, but i can see in a year or two that the loss of our first bub will probably only matter to me and my partner.

Im thinking that i might plant a special flower or something along those lines for our lost little angel. That way even if noone else remembers, or even cares, ill have something beautiful to remember him or her by....i think that might help me. I hope you find the help you need. Dont rule out seeing a counsellor. Im a firm believer in talking things through, and maybe you didnt do enough of that when you first lost your baby. Things like that will fester inside you, so do be sure to seek some help. Hugs to you.

[Blixie]

Thanks you all for your reassuring posts

Lani81 i am so sorry to hear about your loss