I think it will be good for my healing to tell the story fully.
My pregnancy from the beginning wasn't very succesful. I bled 80% of the time but it was early days and I figured it was normal and i was reasured it was. I had my first scan at 5 weeks 1 day and everything was perfect and i got my first picture of my sea monkey. At 7 weeks the bleeding got VERY heavy thick clots and bright red blood i went straight to the hospital to find that tiger was growing but slowly and s/he's heart beat was quite low and i was given the title of "threatened miscarriage". At 8 weeks things really picked up my horrible ms subsided and i started feeling good all the bleeding stopped and things were looking up i had another scan and tigers heart beat was fantastic very very strong and my baby was even a little bigger for my gestation. At 9 weeks 3 days alot of bleeding started this time with excrutiating cramps. I went to the hospital and was sent straight up for a scan where they struggled to find a heartbeat. My ob looked another person looked then my dad looked, and found it. It was so so slow and my baby was dying before my eyes. 6 hours later we did a scan and found out tiger lost his fight. At 9 weeks 4 days tiger grew his wings and is now playing with the angels in heaven. Things got worse i found out after that the placenta had an infection and they where so suprised that tiger even lasted that long. I can't help feeling responsable the placenta formation is my job as my babies mother, i guess it wasn't meant to be but i just wanted and loved tiger so so much, I had my d&c today and the physical pain has set in on top of this heart wrenching emotional pain. DF is lost, I'm lost and i don't know if I can trust myself enough to TTC anytime soon. I'm sorry this post is so long but i needed to get it out.
Fly free my angel baby tiger, I love you more than anything, Mummy and Daddy wanted you so much and we understand you had to go, thankyou for trying so hard to stay with us but now may you rest, forever in our hearts and a part of my soul.
So sorry for the loss of your tigerangel Lauren.
I found BB after my miscarriage almost 2 yrs ago, I am sure you will find the support you need from the wonderful people here.
The last thing I felt like doing after my mc and subsequent d&c was TTCing again, I think thats pretty normal, I found it hard to even think about being intimate with my dp for awhile too.
It's ok to be sad, to feel lost, I hope writing all that down has helped a little.
beck x
9wks aug 07
Last edited by STARRYSKY; May 30th, 2009 at 06:34 PM.
Please do not blame yourself about the placenta infection, these things are so out of our control and not your fault at all. I know its hard when you need to 'feel' guilt and blame something or someone but I bet you did all you could to stay healthy and strong for your little one so dont beat yourself up
I hope you give yourself and DF some time to heal and do enter the TTC journey again, I may even see you in the threads.
I really hope this has helped slightly. This definitely isn't your fault at all, please don't think that. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart is breaking for you and your DF. Take time to grieve, there is no need to rush into TTC. Just do whatever feels right for you.
There really are no words to take away this pain but if you need anything, I am here.
I am so so sorry to have read your post and to have found that your little tiger is now playing with angels. My heart just breaks for you.
Take good care of yourself hun, be gentle with yourself and your Beau. Its a difficult time and you will need each other to help get through this horrid patch. There is no need to rush into TTC again so allow yourself time to grieve and heal.
Hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this . It's so awful, as I remember my own days, then weeks after my loss when I was just numb and the world was just passing me by, it must have, but I didn't notice too much. The begining of grief is the most hardest part. We miss our babies so much, we wish they were still here with us and this didn't happen to us.
It's natural to feel like you just want to saty in bed forever (I did) so it's OK hun. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, just listen to you body and follow your heart.
Hun, I wish I could take your pain away, just please keep on talking as this really helped me through my own loss. Bottling things up just slows everything down.
Wishing you much love, comfort and healing.
Beata xxxx
Oh sweets, I'm so sorry you are feeling this pain It is so hard isn't it..
Hang in there, be gentle with yourself. Your posts bring back many memories when I mc'd, I think I felt just the same. I didn't have an infection with my placenta, but I had other things wrong with it and I too felt that it was all my fault..but we can't control these things, so please don't blame yourself.
Hope you are feeling a bit better soon.
Rest peacefully little one and watch over your mummy x
Oh honey, I am so very sorry for you and your little baby tiger.
I know it isn't even close to enough, but I am thinking of you and share your pain.
I will pray for your tiger tonight, as well as for you and Beau.
As the other girls have said, be gentle with each other and cry as much as you need to. Stay close by each other if you can, the one thing that made me feel slightly better was being able to cry and hug DH and let it all out. Being lost is normal. You don't need to be strong, or keep your chin up or whatever else people say. Just feel what you need to feel right now.
everythings stopped today, my bumps gone the bleedings gone im just normal lauren.Worst feeling in the world, and even worse still (TMI warning) me and DF did the deed for the first time and i feel awful i cant stop crying everythings so awful today
I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss of Little Tiger.
I also wanted you to know it is not your fault what happened with the placenta
I lost my daughter Maddison due to an arupted placenta. I also had bleeding through out the early weeks of pregnancy, except Maddison kep't on fighting until 20weeks.
I have seen so many different specialist and all of them have said there was nothing I could had done differently, these things sometimes just happen. So please don't blame yourself.
And it is true over time you do start to feel better. The good days will out way the bad
I wish you al the best for when you are ready to start ttc again
Please, please, please don't blame yourself. Which mother to be would want to harm their much wanted unborn baby? No mother would do that. It is not your fault that the placenta had an infection and baby Tiger couldn't make it into this world.
Please try and not rush into TTC#2. I know it is hard not too, when you so dearly want to hold a baby in your arms. It will happen. Both of you need to recover from this loss.
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I have to write it down and move on
9wks aug 07
Better out than in.
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