Three weeks ago at our 19 week scan... my partner and i were overjoyed to hear our little p-nut was a girl.. the ultrasound lady said that p-nut was small for her age but there was no indication that there was anything wrong except our dates.. given that this pregnancy was planned i knew there was no way this was possible.. in hindsight i wonder if i should have waited two weeks for my OB appt or wether i should have gone to see him earlier.. i cant help wonder if things would have been different...
up until now we had been controlled not to buy too many little things - adamant to wait until we knew wether it would be pink or blue... we only bought the things we knew wouldn't matter.. the car seat, the pram, the bassinet... we were having the backyard finished and the laundry done so the little one would have somewhere to play and somewhere to be washed...
at the OB appt... as soon as the ultrasound machine was turned on i knew something was wrong - p-nuts heart was still strong but there was next to no fluid around her.. he confirmed what i feared and booked me into see a specialist 4 days later.. he told me that there was very little chance that p-nut would be alive at the next scan... i had no idea how to react to this..
my partner was over east having an R&R break before he started his new job.. how was i supposed to tell him this over the phone...the day before he was so excited telling me how he'd bought his little girl a dress for christmas..
last monday we went to the specialist and heard the dreaded words.. i was booked in to the hospital on wednesday the 5th August where i gave birth to our beautiful baby bear... she was so perfect in every way just tiny.. the tiniest little human being i'd ever seen.. so hard to imagine... so hard to believe..
i cry every day and every night... i cant imagine there will be a day where i wont.. but i hope that there will be.. i wish the bleeding would stop and that i could get on with life.. i have no idea how i am going to face anyone.. i dont know why i feel like i have to face anyone...
this was our first pregnancy - i do have an underlying health condition but we didn't realise this could happen so far into the pregnancy.. i want to try again - not sure when.. but i am fearful of having to deal with this again..
RIP my beautiful baby girl... we will always love you...
Last edited by lanabear81; August 30th, 2009 at 11:23 AM.
Hi there
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. .
It took me 5 yrs to conceive, and I just can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.
I hope you get lots of support here on the site.
Robyn
Last edited by Inanna; August 10th, 2009 at 09:08 PM.
: Inappropriate signature for this forum
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss
I know you will get support here on BB & there are support threads for people who have lost their precious babies, it might help if you venture over to those when you feel ready & chat with some of the ladies in there.
Last edited by MantaRay; September 15th, 2009 at 01:23 PM.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. You will find great support here on BB. I know right now you feel that you will never be able to feel happiness again but in time you will. Just take day by day and grieve for your little girl. Your angel will always be close to your heart and her memories will live with you forever.
Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping 24wks
Trisomy 13
I am so very sad to read of Matilda's story and the sad loss of your baby girl... The pain is unbearable I understand, trust though my love that in time it will be more bearable & you will get through this time.
We are here to support you - there are many of us who have lived through similar stories. Lean on us.
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