I can't believe I'm back in this dark place.
I got a positive HPT last Monday at 12DPO. My head kept telling me it's too early and not to get too excited. But my heart was just leaping for joy. I desperately wanted those early pregnancy signs to come, but they were so mild. Last month I had a HSG for my one remaining tube and was thrilled to find out it wasn't blocked. I knew I was high risk for another ectopic, but really didn't believe it would happen.
At 14 DPO my HCG was 89 and at 16DPO it was 256. I was really hoping this was going to be my time.
In the wee hours of Monday morning I started to bleed. It was dark red. I went back to bed hoping it was a bad dream. In the morning the reality started to sink in and all I could hope for was a natural miscarriage. However, the ultrasound I had showed this wasn't to be the case.
Luckily, my gyno/surgeon was doing surgery yesterday and agreed to see me. I made my way to the hospital and after a three hour wait, I saw my doc. He operated on me 20 min later.
Although I still feel like I'm reliving a terrible nightmare, the clear coloured photo of my tube with a little bubble inside is haunting me.
As for my emotions, I feel numb. If it's possible to run out of tears, I'm getting close.
I am really so very sorry to hear this, I can imagine the pain you are feeling, and anger and sadness and all that.
Having had an ectopic (with my second tube also damaged) and two subsequent miscarriages I know how it feels to have that repeated loss, after that first hint of excitement.
Big hugs.
I hope through IVF you can find success soon. For now, take time out for yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. It takes time to heal. And the whole ectopic experience and surgery is awful.
Last edited by Possums; March 24th, 2009 at 12:07 PM.
Second ectopic - both tubes gone
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with you and DH 
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