Meredith honey - I am in Sydney now and until the middle of next week. If you need some support let me know as I am doing 2 tenths of sod all. There is so much pain and anger in your post and this is just being compounded by your latest bad news. Please remember words are really powerful - you need to love yourself sweetheart.
Love to you
Adele
Meredith, I am so glad you can still have the test. I hope it gives you some answers, or at least rules something out. You have been through so much and I think you are coping remarkably well with it all.
I had miso for my first m/c, my body was the same as yours - it just didn't want to let go! I also didn't want a d & c and needed a couple of doses of miso until all the 'product' (hate that word) went. Good luck sweetie, I will be thinking of you
Thought I would pop my weary head in to let you all know how things went.
Yesterday was a very long day but all went well. I took DS with me as he is still under 2 so didn't cost anything and he was good company! Loved all the plane/train/ferry rides!
NK cell test came back a defnitive positive.
Total NK cells = 20.1% - anything over 18% is considered very significant
Activated CD69+ cells =12.1- over 8.0 is a problem
The only slight confusion to results is that I am currently fighting off some viral laryngitis/chest thing plus the retained product issue
DrS said cannot be sure how these would affect results but my levels seem to high to ignore.
I am suprised by results. Truly thought I would come back with nothing but simply satisfied to have done the test.
Now I guess we might have some explanation but no one knows for sure. I have obviously had a genetic loss as well
I am certainly more content with my gut feeling to use prednisolone next pg. I now have a defnite "reason" to use and praying that it does prove to be the "answer" to producing another live bubba.
I am also going back through the grief/guilt about this last m/c. Maybe if I'd taken the pred last time (which had been discussed) my babies would still be with me. I know its not something i will ever know but not sure how to shake that "what if" guilt.
Still considering IVF/PGD as well. Spoke with DrS about it and he was all for PGD ( said as long as you can afford it!). Thinking at this stage that i would prefer to be aggressive and throw everything we have at the next pg. Maybe we dodn't need it all but i don't want any regrets if we were unlucky enough to lose another.
Mind you, can't get to caught up in thinking about next time. This bit of placenta is going to be very, very stubborn i think. Took the first dose of miso last night plus had acupuncture today..... lots and lots of nasty cramping but very little to show for it. Have one more dose of miso to use tonight so praying that produces something.
I'm never really sure how to take getting answers... with relief because we now know there is something there and can do something about it, or with disappointment because it's yet another thing that's "broken".
I generally find that it's usually a mix of both. Meredith, hold on to the fact that you did everything within your knowledge at the time. You may have suspected it would be a good plan, but you didn't KNOW for sure that you needed prednisone.
You are armed with knowledge now, I have every hope that this new knowledge is the key to getting your next baby here safely in your arms.
I feel like a bit of a whining, wet blanket but I have no where or no one else to let out my ongoing frustration/sadness.
I feel like i really want o move forward but this pregnancy just won't let go of me (emotionally and pysically).
I took a couple of doses of misoprostol over weekend and all it brought was horrible pain, feeling really unwell and a small amt of bleeding. No placental tissue.
Should have been 12 weeks today. I had thought ahead to this week, thinking what a wonderful time of celebration we would be having. Instead, I had a scan today, not showing two lovely wriggling babies, just a chunk of stubborn placenta still happily sitting in there with a great blood supply! So, no celebrations.... booked for more surgery on friday. My FS is going to do hysterosopy so she can see it and hopefully just fish it out without doing much damage elsewhere.
Sonographer today was very nice, fortunately. Told me she had had retained product(though smaller amt) in same corner of her uterus and left it to clear on its own. It eventually did but took 3 MONTHS!! NO way I'm waiting that long to stop feeling pg or to try again.
I really wanted to be doing another cycle in Oct but defnitely not going to happen now.
I know I really do sound like a whinger, so sorry, but I just want things to work out "right" for a change. I'm tired of all the complications and anguish. Just need something to go my way, at least once.
Hopefully "my turn"is coming soon. Surely it has to?
Meredith, after all you have been through, I think you are quite entitled to have a whinge if you need to! Not that you come across as whinging with no reason... it's a damned tough road you have walked! Take care of yourself, vent when you need to vent, cry when you need to cry... I hope the hysteroscopy goes well and that you are back on track very soon.
Meredith, no one thinks you're a whinger. You have every right to feel exactly the way you're feeling and we are all here to support you so don't feel like you can't come in here whenever you want to say what's on your mind. for you.
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks