Trying To Cope after the Loss of My baby Girl Emily

[mummyradel]

Im so sorry for your loss I to wish I had some answers for you it is just a horrible thing to have to go through and wish that no body ever had to experience it,.


The question just keep going around and around in my head ...... things that I ate ...did I pick up the kids the wrong way.... did i do to much..should i have sat down more it is just never ending. I'm also curious whether the Tami Flu medication I took could have been the problem all these question but they keep telling me it wasn't my fault but that still does not stop the question in my head.

Mum to
Annabelle 5
Riley 3
Ethan 2
Angel Emily 07/10/09

[~MummaBear~]

i know waht you mean about the questions going through your head.. I know in my hed that nothing i did caused this to happen but deep down in my heart it feels like it is my fault, and i have been through every single little thing. I even got to the point i was convinced it had happened because i got sunburnt. my thoughts are just not logical at the moment.
we opted to have the post mortem on our little girl because i cant stand the thought of not knowing for the rest of my life. but i have now been told that chances are they will not have any answers. i think the not knowing seems to be that worst bit right now.

[mummyradel]

Yeah we to are having an autopsy done all though I'm sure I will still feel that I could have stopped it from happening,

I'm wondering how hard it was for you to get them to agree to an autopsy because for us it was like they didn't think that it was necessary or worth there time because she was 19 weeks and 3 days and not the 20 weeks when they are by there rules a real person. I was first told that after I delivered my baby that she would be put into the furnace which I couldn't even comprehend as to me my baby girl was a real being and I had felt her kick and she was real damn it and how dare they just simply tell me she was nothing.

If it wasn't for a very very special Nurse in this hospital I'm not sure I would be getting the chance to say goodbye to my beautiful baby girl when she comes back to me in a couple of weeks. She helped me deliver and promised me that she would keep Emily with her until she left for Brisbane and always referred to Emily as Emily just the way it should be.

I really do wonder why some people become nurses/doctors and have not heart what so ever there are a very few midwifes that i have met that are genuine caring people.

So sorry for ranting just really wanted to get it out

[didispunk]

I am so so lost for words.. but makes me so sad.

You take one day at a time.. I belive that is all you can do at this time.

[~MummaBear~]

OMG i cant believe that they treated you like that.
I never asked for any testing to be done on Kyarna, i was offered it, actually everyone i spoke to kinda said the i should have it done. After the Post mortem was done, Kyarna was cremated and her ashes were sent back to me local hospital along with the hand/ foot prints and photos that they had taken before the tests were done.
I am really sorry that you were treated like that at such a vonerable time.
I cant say if you will blame your self once the results are back or not because we have not reached that stage yet.. we still have 6 weeks to wait for our re****s.
I really hope that they are able to tell youw aht happened so you can stop blaming yourself ( i know i am a hypocrit lol) Just take it easy and remember that you need to do what ever you feel is right for you and your little family... no one else matters!!

[~MummaBear~]

im not sure if you want to chat or anything but do you have MSN or something like that.. i would love to talk to some one who is in the same situation as me.. im finding it very hard to explain/ justify my feelings to people who really dont get it..

[mummyradel]

Hi yes I've got msn my contact is mummyradel@hotmail.com I would love to chat it really is good to talk to someone who is basically at the same stage as me just talking to you last night was great I felt a little normal again for just a minute thank you and hope to chat soon

[mummyradel]

im not sure if you want to chat or anything but do you have MSN or something like that.. i would love to talk to some one who is in the same situation as me.. im finding it very hard to explain/ justify my feelings to people who really dont get it..

Better yet are you on Facebook My name is Amanda Radel if you would like to keep in contact that way which is easier for me at the moment this computer I'm using til mine is fixed is really slow and Im having trouble with MSN and all other chat facilities