Specialk - Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going thru, just as alot of others on BB. I too lost my third pg, only to lose my fourth. I shut down from everyone, even my DH especially the second time round. O felt as tho I was unable to breath. I blamed myself for my losses, and could not bring myself to leave the house, answer the phones or anything. I am not a counsellor, but you are entitled to grieve. You have lost something so special, that meant alot to you and for you to get thru this you need to grieve. I too pushed alot of people away and was very hurt when I was told that at least I have my boys. I can have more. I felt as tho my whole world had crashed around me and that there was nowhere for me to escape. I had even stopped talking to my nextdoor neighbour as she had asked if I was really pg. For me I nolonger felt whole, and so desparately wanted to feel whole. Having said that you need to hold onto hope that you will become pg again, I have since had 2 DD's after my m/c's. What also helped me thru my m/c's I wrote a letter to them, and also bought a bracelt each so that I may have something that was specifically for them. I also chose a song that was for them, so whenever I wanted to feel close to them I had that. There are many things that you could do, but that is what helped me. I made a box for them and have my letters and bracelets etc in it, even a little teddy bear, which I have kept as I was so scared that I would forget them. My DH also bought a plant. that however didn't last. I am certainly no green thumb.
Please know that you are not alone with how you feel, and that it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Again I am so sorry for you loss. Hugs.