cherryblossum- sounds like you are well on your way to knowing as much as you can from reading the SIDs pamphlet. i'm sure you'll know what not to say. as to whether he wants to talk about it, that is so difficult to gauge. for me, it is so much worse if people pretend like nothing happened: like my son didn't happen. but i know some others would rather not discuss. take your cues from him.

as to when/how to tell him about your pregnancy, i know it hurt me so much more to not be told of a friend's pregnancy until well after everyone else knew. i felt that i had been denied the ability to have any joy on her behalf, even though my joy was tempered by extreme sadness. i would have rather she came up to me personally, told me that she had something to say that couldn't wait but that might hurt me because of the recent loss of my son, and then explain that she is pregnant. at that point, she would have done everything she could have by warning me and recognizing my son and my loss, but yet telling me personally rather than letting it get out by gossip or visual confirmation. then i guess if she were ready for me to be sad or to cry or to be happy, she would have done everything as best she could for me. that isn't what happened, but i wish it had. good luck with your boss, and good luck with your pregnancy. it makes me smile to think of your wee one soaking up your compassion.