I went back to work today - only a half day, but I work in childcare, so it was huge to get back in there. I wallowed in the office for the first hour or so - and even talked to people from the doorway - stepping through the door and into the children's area was a definite mental barrier, but once I was over it, I was OK. The kids were fine - awesome, in fact. The staff were a little more tricky, and it took a few hours to build up to heading down to the babies room, but once I was there it was OK. Fun, even.
Pathology results should be in tomorrow, so I am a wreck! There is no sewing project big enough to take my mind off this...
Oh sweetie, I didn't realise you work in childcare. That must be so hard. Good on you for heading back. I found going back to work after my m/cs really hard and my work has nothing to do with kids. I think once you make the first step it gets easier. for you.
Let us know when you get your results.
Last edited by Trillian; July 16th, 2009 at 05:27 PM.
: removing ticker as per guidelines for this forum
I got the results today. They were supposed to call, but they hadn't by 11:30, so I called them. Then I was so antsy that a colleague told me to tcall them again, so I did.
I ducked in to the toilet, so quickly (had been hanging on forever!) and of course that's when they called
But a friend picked up the phone, made them hold on for me.
I got the news that it was indeed a partial molar. I'd been so well prepared for it, and knew it was coming, but for some reason still needed to sit down and have a sob. I told work I was leaving, and got on my bike and pedalled so so hard - for some reason I just wanted to HURT, so I fanged it up to DH's work. He came out and we sat in the garden outside his building and had a cuddle. I wasn't crying any more by then, and we just talked about it. From there I came home, dumped the bike and headed for the hospital on foot, to do my first weekly blood test. Will find out how that went tomorrow. Seems like it's just another part of my life now, hard to believe that just over a week ago we had no idea about any of this.
Oh, yeah, and I soothed the hurt with some retail therapy - hit the op shop and got a blouse, dress and pair of gorgeous little thongs
I'm so sorry to hear this. I had a scare with a chance of having a molar and I can only imagine how you must feel. I hope that your HCG levels drop very quickly and that you can be back on the TTC wagon as soon as possible. You didn't ask for any advice, but I can't help giving my two cents - I suggest doing all your research, making a list of questions and taking them to your next appointment with your doctor and make sure you get answers that make sense to you - if they have to explain things multiple times, well, that's their job.
You sound like you are handling this quite well although I'm sure you will have a hope heap of emotions coming at you for some time. Please keep us posted.
For me the blood tests were hard, but especially the first one as I had no idea what my level would be, whether it was still high. You do start to feel like a pin cushion after a while. But thankfully now I'm onto monthly testing.
One thing you may find about explaining the PMP to people is that nobody understands it. I haven't told many people but the only person who had heard about it was a friend who miscarried and had pathology to test for a partial molar as a routine thing. I told my boss and straight away she thought it was cancer.
You may feel very alone too like you're the only person who's had a partial molar. I know I did. I don't know anybody who's had one! But when I was having one of my blood tests the blood collection lady told me they get sooo many women in for post molar follow up.
I think initally the only thing that made me laugh about the situation was that my husband thought it may have happened cos his sperm was just too powerful, 'supersperm' he called it. Aha, yeah darling
I found the initial period after the diagnosis the hardest. Sometimes I thought 'why me?', other times I was happy that I didn't need chemotherapy, then I'd be angry that we couldn't start trying for a baby.
I can totally understand you having a cry at this news. Even if you are expecting it, hearing the words is always hard. I hope your HCG comes down quickly and you are given the all-clear to TTC again soon. A friend of mine had a molar pregnancy and got so so fed up of the weekly BTs but her HCG finally came down and she now has a gorgeous little 1 year old. Sorry if it doesn't help hearing this! I just remember that when I had my m/cs I loved hearing positive stories, it gave me hope.
Keep us updated on what your HCG reading is. I will be hoping and praying for a low number that comes down quickly! In the meantime, spoil yourself a little, do something just for you, even if it is just a haircut, manicure or massage, you deserve to spoil yourself after what you have been through. Good on you for your retail therapy!
josijo - hehe on the supersperm, sounds like something my DH would say!
Last edited by Trillian; July 16th, 2009 at 05:26 PM.
: Removing ticker as per guidelines for this forum
Big fat lol at the supersperm
Thanks, Bun, positive stories are the very best. Seeing babies at work is actually just lovely - they are that little tiny bit more precious now, kwim? And they are never awkward with words, they never say the wrong thing, and if I want a cuddle, they're 100% there for me, no matter what.
I woke up really not feeling like I could do work, and was just a bit miserable. But after a shower, things looked brighter - seems to happen a lot lately, and I noticed it all the way through, that I felt a little bit better after every shower.
Bloody epau didn't call with my results today, even though they said they would! Conveniently, however, I managed to stay so busy that I didn't even notice until it was too late to even get through. Tomorrow, hey? Whatever - what's a day in the scheme of the next six months?!?
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