the whole world seems to be pregnant...

[lanabear81]

Hi TillyGrace,
I?m so glad to hear from you ? I noticed you hadn?t posted in a while and was worried that you were having a rough time of late. I cant work out the private message thing so I couldn?t work out how to check on you so glad to see your back! I find it good to come on here and just vent in sometimes.
Yes Carly?s site is just beautiful.. I cant think of words that express how having a memorial like that made me feel.. Halo.. it?s a bit of a sooky song but I heard it a few weeks ago and realised that?s what it felt like? I feel like shes missing but I always feel like im being watched? its quiet strange as im not spiritual in any way yet for some reason I cant shake this feeling.. I am going to the beyonce concert on Thursday and I was really looking forward to it.. I remember buying the tickets before I had told anyone I was pregnant.. and I was really excited about taking matilda to it.. alas I know she?ll still be there in spirit..
I?ve been doing ok.. fathers day for us was difficult ? we went away into the country for a few days.. it was nice just to be there on our own.. I must say that being at work is a saving grace because I spend my days not thinking about life on the outside? but Wednesday evenings are difficult.. my matilda was born on Wednesday night.. and 9.29pm.. I dont think there will ever be a Wednesday night that wont make me sad.. well that?s what it feels like.
I also feel like my girl is missing.. and I don?t like it one bit.. I don?t feel like I have had a miscarriage.. I don?t know why.. I feel like my baby is dead? I cant explain it but in my head there is a big distinction between those two statements..
I had a post natal appointment with a specialist yesterday.. he confirmed the results of the autopsy were what we thought they would be? that makes me mad ? I have a blood condition and my medication is the reason my baby died.. what annoys me more is that I was given the wrong advice about the medication? he did also give us a plan of attack for our next attempt.. so fingers crossed for next time..
Anyway I hope your have a better day today.. you and your Tilly are often in my thoughts..
LBx

[tillygrace]

Hi Lana
I can't work out the private thingy either so I hope you get to read this.
I can't imagine how angry you must be at the medico's who gave you the medication. I hope you gave them a piece of your mind. I feel so so sad for you. Its good that you have a plan for next time, not that that helps you grieve for Matilda.
I hope you enjoyed the Beyonce concert. I went out and bought the CD yesterday and think of our girls when I play Halo. I had a m/c at 8 weeks in Dec 06 but took some solace in the fact that the baby got to go to the U2 concert. Unfortunately I had a curette the day I had tickets to Kylie, so I missed that one and won't go to other Kylie concert b/c of that memory.
Have had a pretty crappy week. I went to my first SANDS support group meeting the other night. That was really helpful. There were girls there that had recent losses like us and older ladies who lost babies years ago. It was good to listen to their stories. i'm right in the thick of the grief right now but it was good to hear how life gets better in time and how these ladies went on to have more children. I'm looking forward to reaching that place.
It is my turn to host mothers group tomorrow but I cancelled late this afternoon. I'm finding it really hard to be around newborns and big preggie bellies at the moment and there's 2 new babies and 2 big bellies in the group. The girls are lovely and have been supportive but its just so hard to be around them. I'm going to go to my mum's instead so she can look after me and spoil me.

How is your husband coping? Mine doesn't talk about it, which is a common male trait but God its frustrating. He says he doesn't need to talk about it, which is fine but it would be nice if he could accomodate my need to talk about it
every now and then. Men!
Thank God for these forums.
Its Wednesday today. I hope they are getting easier for you.
Take care
Jen

Hi TillyGrace,
I?m so glad to hear from you ? I noticed you hadn?t posted in a while and was worried that you were having a rough time of late. I cant work out the private message thing so I couldn?t work out how to check on you so glad to see your back! I find it good to come on here and just vent in sometimes.
Yes Carly?s site is just beautiful.. I cant think of words that express how having a memorial like that made me feel.. Halo.. it?s a bit of a sooky song but I heard it a few weeks ago and realised that?s what it felt like? I feel like shes missing but I always feel like im being watched? its quiet strange as im not spiritual in any way yet for some reason I cant shake this feeling.. I am going to the beyonce concert on Thursday and I was really looking forward to it.. I remember buying the tickets before I had told anyone I was pregnant.. and I was really excited about taking matilda to it.. alas I know she?ll still be there in spirit..
I?ve been doing ok.. fathers day for us was difficult ? we went away into the country for a few days.. it was nice just to be there on our own.. I must say that being at work is a saving grace because I spend my days not thinking about life on the outside? but Wednesday evenings are difficult.. my matilda was born on Wednesday night.. and 9.29pm.. I dont think there will ever be a Wednesday night that wont make me sad.. well that?s what it feels like.
I also feel like my girl is missing.. and I don?t like it one bit.. I don?t feel like I have had a miscarriage.. I don?t know why.. I feel like my baby is dead? I cant explain it but in my head there is a big distinction between those two statements..
I had a post natal appointment with a specialist yesterday.. he confirmed the results of the autopsy were what we thought they would be? that makes me mad ? I have a blood condition and my medication is the reason my baby died.. what annoys me more is that I was given the wrong advice about the medication? he did also give us a plan of attack for our next attempt.. so fingers crossed for next time..
Anyway I hope your have a better day today.. you and your Tilly are often in my thoughts..
LBx

[lanabear81]

Hi Jen
If your on facebook, my username is the same as my bellybelly one so look me up?
I am sitting in my office today being totally unproductive ? im a bit too excited about the concert tonite.. and I don?t really want to be sitting here right now?
Sorry to hear you are having a crap week ? I hope its picking up.. I?ve not heard of SANDS in WA? I hope your time at your mums was what you needed to make you feel better?
I know what you mean about being around big bellies? one of my colleagues is preggo at the moment ? I think shes due around jan or feb? shes only part time.. but shes really good about the whole thing and I don?t mind talking to her about stuff? I get more annoyed when I see example of bad parenting like at the shops or in public.. last week I saw a man unloading his baby from the car with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.. my immediate thought is ?how can someone so irresponsible be allowed toe have a bubby ? NOT FAIR!?
My partner is doing ok.. hes devastated? he was really looking forward to her.. I know he too doesn?t do Wednesday nights well ? even though he doesn?t say a lot ? he still talks about her.. I am very lucky in that sense.. I think he tries not to be openly sad for my sake? but I know he is.. he also has that male-ness about him too!
Yesterday sucked for me ? 7 weeks? every Wednesday I cant help but think if she was born today ? she would survive? I am sure though that there is a reason I was graced by her presence even for such a short time..
I hope you had a better day today! Im sure there will be two little tillys hanging out in the best seats in the house at the concert tonite!
LB
xx