We lost our little Matilda 7 weeks ago. We headed off for the 20 week scan without a care in the world, very excited to be able to buy either pink or blue that afternoon. The ultrasound lasted not more then 2 minutes. Tilly was measuring 16 weeks 4 days and her heart was not beating. An "acute cord event" is what they term the reason for her death. It was such a senseless end to a gorgeous little girl's life.
Most of our family and friends have been very supportive and understanding of our grief. I'm very disappointed in my best friend though. She is also pregnant and is due 2 weeks before I was due to have Matilda. Perhaps she's experiencing survivor guilt - guilt over the fact she still has her baby growing inside her and mine has gone. Perhaps I am a constant reminder that horrible things do happen. Perhaps I am sick of making excuses for her not ringing or emailing to see how I'm coping?
Aside from her, everyone has been pretty good. I have a dilemma though. Their are 5 women in my mothers group who are pregnant, with a baby from the group due each month until the end of the year. These women are fantastic and are very mindful of our loss. I in no way begrudge them their babies - I'm actually looking forward to meeting them to see what friends Tillly would've played with. They will be a constant reminder of the milestones Tilly would've reached. Sometimes it is so hard to see them and the very visual reminder of their blooming bellies that they have their babies and I don't have mine.
Any suggestions on how best to cope will be much appreciated. How do you handle the outside world when it seems everyone man and his dog is pregnant? How do you react to them and how do you react to their reaction to your loss?
Thanks
Tilly's mum
I don't have any advice apart from making sure you let yourself grieve - it's perfectly natural to be jealous of other women who were due around the same time, don't force yourself to do what you think others think you should do, KWIM?
As for your friend, I would say that you're right, she probably has no idea what to do or say. Perhaps you could send her an email, saying that you understand that she doesn't know what to do at the moment, but you would be very grateful if she would come over for a cuppa one day and just listen?
Welcome to BB my love - I am so sorry it is under such sad circumstances. You gave your daughter a beautiful name...
Sometimes people find it very very difficult to respond how we need them to. I don't know that she is being cold - perhaps she is feeling very vulnerable and afraid too. I don't know honey - I am only sorry that you feel so hurt...
Take time to grieve your little girl my love & know that the days WILL get easier - in time.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious Matilda. I hope you are able to hold the memories of your little girl very close to your heart. I think your friend probably feels very awkward at the moment and feels she won't know what to say to you or how you may react. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl.
I have no wisdom for you, just hugs and healing energy.
I hope you and your best friend can come together again, I'm sure she is feeling just horrible for you and not sure how to communicate with you at the moment...be kind to one another.
Welcome to BB I'm sure you will find some comfort here
I am sooo very sorry you have found your way here under such horrible circumstances.
What you are going through is a horrible thing, sadly sometimes people just do not know what to say or how to act. I am sure your best friend isn't meaning to be stand offish at all, it must be very heartbreaking for her to watch you go through so much pain while her pregnancy is still traveling well. It will be hard to see it at this time, but she may even feel that seeing her will increase your sadness.
There are no suggestions on how to cope, grief is what it is. What I can honestly say is you will have good and bad days. You will want to avoid babies one minute and be fine with them the next. Just remember that you are not expected to just pick up and get over it and get on with life. You take as much time as you need, get help if you feel you want to talk to someone.
I promise you that the hard days get fewer and further between. There will be times when out of the blue you will just break down, but these too pass and get further between.
Sending you all my love and understanding, you will find this place wonderful to off load anything at any time.
Your angel Matilda Grace will forever be watching over you and remembered by many.
Sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl Matilda. Everything you are feeling is so raw at the moment, but believe me it does get easier, time will heal a little. She will always be in your heart.
I lost my daughter Milana Matilda Rose in Feb this year, (here is her story: http://forums.bellybelly.com.au/foru...ilda-rose.html), I know how you feel.
The ladies on this board are all here for you.
Take care,
the whole world seems to be pregnant...
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