its been so horrible and i dont want to think about it and i dont want to feel the hurt, i just want it all to go away.
after almost 7yrs of ttc we finally found out i was pregnant but it wasnt meant to be. we lost our little miracle "bubba G" last monday after having a 9 week ultrasound to see how everything was going only to find out that you were gone. you werent suppose to go bubba, we seen you on the last ultrasound and your heart was beating and everything looked perfect. how could you have died without me knowing?? i had no pain, no bleeding no nothing. i have had 2 miscarriages before ( about 8-9 yrs ago) and it was nothing like that. losing you bubba g was nothing like them, i never got to see there hearts beating and i never got so far into the pregnancy. how do i move on? i dont know how to take the next step.
in the last 6 days i have had to have 2 D&C's and its been a living night mare!!! i had the first d&c and it was horrible, i have never woken up after surgery and felt so alone or empty like i did that day. then i went home and was in so much pain and there was so much blood and clots so after 2 days of putting up with that i went to the doctor, he put me on 2 different antibotics and another lot of pills to stop the bleeding, after 3 days of being on all the tablets the pain was still getting worse and the bleeding was horrible, i was starting to shiver and shake from the cramps. dp took me back to the doc on tuesday and they sent me away for a scan which showed that they had left bits in me. so yesterday i was admitted back into hospital for ANOTHER d&c and now i am sitting at home still bleeding and still very sore wondering how do i move forward?? i have been through some rough times in my life and yet nothing has shaken me to my core like this. i havent left my house since finding out that bubba G was gone 11 days ago. i am scared!!! i dont want to go back to work and here everyone tell me there sorry and i dont want to go shopping in case i run into people that dont know whats happend and ask me how the pregnancy is going.
i wish this was all over so i can go back to life as normal, but i dont know how to make everything go back to normal??? i dont want to cry anymore and i wish i could stop thinking about everything and just move on, but i cant stop thinking and the tears just keep coming.
i miss you bubba g and would do anything to have you back
I understand the waking up and feeling so alone. It was like in the recovery area I just wanted someone to acknowledge that my world would never be the same again.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this twice. Don't rush into anything you don't feel up to coping with. Give yourself time and eventually you'll realise you are feeling stronger again. And know you can come in here for someone to listen.
Oh hunny, I am holding your hand, as you have held mine. I know how painful it is to acknowledge the world going on. I hope you can take it one day at a time and do what YOU need to do. Don't worry about other people right now, think about you and DD and DH. It is just so unfair hun. Hopefully by sharing your pain here you will have lessened your pain, and let us carry some of the burden.
I am sorry that you have had such a rough ride with the D&C's and infection too.
Bye bye Bubba G, you were much loved, much wanted and will always be remembered in your mummy and daddy's hearts. Fly free little one.
Im so sorry for your loss.
Im also sorry to say that things may never go back to normal. As for people telling you Im sorry, they may not know what else to say for fear of upsetting you. In time you will stop crying and you will be able to face the world but for now you need to do whatever you have to to grieve the loss of your precious baby and take as much time as you need.
Take care of yourself
Oh sweetheart... I am just so sorry. I understand your pain - I too remember walking out side and wondering - I mean just for a moment really wondering why the world was continuing on... That feeling of waking up and knowing that you are truly alone. You WILL get thru this time. You will. Each day is a step toward healing - healing will happen but the memory and the pain will always remain in part.
Thankyou for sharing baby G's story - fly free little one...
Oh hun I am so very very sorry that you lost your Bubba G
I feel your pain too, I will never forget waking up in Recovery after my D&C and crying my eyes out, luckily I had a lovely nurse who drew the curtains to give me privacy. And facing the world afterwards...the people who know and the people who don't...the pain is excruciating
Trust me though, you will get through this even though it seems now that you can't. You are strong and along with your DH and Chloe you will survive! Take each day as it comes, make sure you don't force yourself to do anything you think you can't cope with, see a counsellor experienced in pregnancy loss too if you have to. Life will go back to a different form of normal, but sadly it does take time.
I hope the bleeding and pain settles down for you soon, how awful to have to go through that on top of everything else
Take care of yourself and feel free to PM or E-mail me OK?
i showed dp all of your replies and it has made him feel a lot better, he thought he might of been over reacting about it aswell, but he feels heaps better now and cant wait to talk to her again so he can tell her what he thinks.
i really dont know what is going on with me?????? dp went to work yesterday and i was sitting at home alone and was getting angry and frusterated(sp?) at myself and how i have let this situation get out of hand, i havent left my house in 15 days all because i am to scared too, so i thought i would go do something that i normally would do on a monday night and thats go play tennis, i got dressed ( first time in days that i have got out of my nightie) got in the car and drove there BUT once i was there in the parking lot i couldnt get out of the car, i went into a ball of tears and all i could think was " i dont want to go on with life without you( bubba g)" and so i drove straight home. i feel that if i get life back to normal i will be forgetting about my little baby as if it meant nothing to me, if that makes sense??
dp has told me that no matter what he is going to take me down town tomorrow, apparently we are going to buy a drink and sit down and drink it then come home. i am scared and i dont want to. this is a small town and i really dont want to run into someone that doesnt know or even if they do know i dont want to hear them say " sorry" because that will make me cry and i dont want to do that, sounds silly i know.
i really wish this would go away, i have never been so unbalanced and so off in my life. everyone always tells me that " i am the strong one " and how well i have handled other situations that they could never of handled themselves. people always come to me when there in trouble or need help. now look at me i cant even go down town. why is this happening??
sorry to ramble on and please dont feel as though you need to reply. i am just venting at myself through this post. i will get it together soon, i know i will. i have bounced back before so i can do it again. just angry that its taking me a little longer
M2C,
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you and your DH, and DD... I was heartbroken for you all when I read your news, I'm so sorry....
huge hugs,
you left to soon
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