It's just disappointing that it hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to.
I completely understand the disappointment, but remember that it's not forever. If you defer at least you still have a place for when you get back to it. No it didn't work out the way you originally intended, but hey, what you have now is so much better than what you thought you would have 12 months ago .

Go and enjoy growing your bub, relax and have guilt-free fun spending time with your two gorgeous kids