**** I feel like im treading on the same path with you hon
ok my turn
I fell pg with Wilhelm as soon as Jed and i planned to have another baby. I knew that something was different from word go and often quered the midwive and doctors at my AN appointments who told me everything was alright whilst rolling their eyes as they turned away. Whilst I had heaps of movement with Nikolaus, I had nothing with Wilhelm and was told he was just a peacefull baby. Even my day knew something wasnt right when I told him what I was feeling. Anyway I had the perfect baby when he was born...fair, peach complexion...slept like an angel at the hospital..then BANG I couldnt get this kid to stop screaming. the more I tried to do console him with cuddles and affection the more he screamed. I tried to BF him and he scream...refussing to latch on. I cam enear him he screamed. He did start smiling and reakognising me at about 4 months but when 6 months hit it was like someone has switched off the lights on my little boy and hit him in the face with a shovel. He just lay there, day after day not moving. He failed to crawl or sit up by the time his first birthday had come and I was a tmy wits end.
I remember going to a richard Isanhower lecture at the local school and I sat there next to one of my friends weeping. I stood there infront of 200 people (something Im not comfortable with) and told Richard my concerns and how I felt through my pg....Richard told me I was a very intuned mum and that I should seek help as soon as possible. Wilhelm was 14 months old. I started getting help,seeking resources the very next day.
iI to couldnt drive into the supermarket carpark without Wilhelm having a fit and screaming that bad that I would end up crying, turing around and just going home. He would only stop as soon as we left the car park. I became a recluse and felt very much alone as none of my friends understood the heartache taht I was having..to watch my son go through these horrific things that were so stressfull for him..I was also sick of my friends and family telling me it was a stage he was going through..I ended up turning my back on many of them for their lack of support.
i gave up returning to work as WIlhelm needed help with many everyday situations and things that I felt I needed to be there for my child...i felt and still do to this day that I have failed him as a mum becasue he is not classed as the 'norm'. I cry when I see other kids treating him different or when a situation distresses him...but I cant always step in and I have to allow him to feel the world as it is.
it wasnt until Wilhelm has his formal diagnosise at 4 1/2 that I finally allowed myself to start grieving the child that Wilhelm should have been. I still find myself crying in frustration and anger. Angry at him at times because his lack of understanding. Angry at the world because I feel my little boy has lost his childhood and is more an adult than me at times. Frustration at the lack of support locally from departments and frustration at family members for not understanding Wilhelm for who he is...not what he is.
Wilhelm has changed so much over the last year since starting school. I have headbutted with the teacher a few times as she has treated and spoken to me as a student and that just doesnt rub well with me. I am his mother and I think I know my son better then anyone....I got payback though when she didnt listen to me and he lashed out badly. i ofcourse delt with the after marth at home...she clocked of at 3.30..need I say more.
Wilhlem has some funny traits...
Only eats white food
Wont eat saucey products
Cant wear long sleeves becasue they are to itchy
Wears a hat most of the time
Watches the trailers on movies
HATES dogs and has fallen in love with our cat after 4 years
Tells me he makes me grumpy when he's naughty and vise a versa
reads better then an adult - spelling is unreal
Has a photograph memory
Most of all....he tells me he loves me now and gives me a kiss. I dont know if he truely understands the meaning of the word but Id ont care..they are the most precious words that I have ever heard in my life.
Thanks girls..ah feels good to have a thread to come to were everone understands
Christy. I wish there was something I could say or do hun.
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