it wasnt until Wilhelm has his formal diagnosise at 4 1/2 that I finally allowed myself to start grieving the child that Wilhelm should have been. I still find myself crying in frustration and anger. Angry at him at times because his lack of understanding. Angry at the world because I feel my little boy has lost his childhood and is more an adult than me at times. Frustration at the lack of support locally from departments and frustration at family members for not understanding Wilhelm for who he is...not what he is.
God Matilda is almost 4 1/2... I'm feeling this today. I know I have to grieve the child Matilda should have been, but I almost can't go there for fear of complete break down. I have my melt downs over it, but I'm worried that I can't come back from that. I'm sitting here crying thinking of it & I don't want to let go... but I know I have too. I know I have to do this. I think I will need a few days off for it.