Hi Everyone - I'm having a bit of a tough time emotionally so sorry for a selfish post - I just cant shake this sadness I feel of Bailey's situation in the brace. It's really silly as I think he is coping fine most of the time, but I just have alot of anger, resentment and sadness about the situation that I just cant seem to get past. I get panicky every time a baby around us hits a milestone - eg crawling, rolling, pulling themselves up etc and it just reminds me how behind and immobile my little guy is. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying him, but I just worry ALOT and having the clock tick down as I am returning to work in March, this isn't helping either. I keep telling myself logical things like "Just enjoy this time", "He'll catch up", "Don't waste this precious baby time" etc, but then something happens to drag me back down again (eg simple things like a bath used to relax him before bed, now as I have to flip him over so many times to get the brace back on him after a bath and then dress him he is cranky and it just drags out bed time etc). The biggest issue I have is cuddles, and its making me cry typing this out but I just want to be able to hold my baby close in a proper cuddle - are these feelings normal? I just cant shake them, I think I cry at least once a day over something brace related............ I feel like no-one IRL understands, or they think that as I am coping with the practicalities that I am coping emotionally, and in fairness I have been hiding most of my feelings as I dont want to burden people and when I have let my feelings out I am not finding the support or understanding that I am looking for (and am sooooooooooooo over people telling me that he'll be out of the brace before I know it, and he'll grow up to be healthy, wont remember it etc etc - I KNOW all that, it doesn't help me!). I know he doesn't have cancer and is healthy etc etc, and I know there are always people worse off, but this is our 'worst' situation and I am struggling to accept it, I dont think I will ever accept that this is how my babies first year is supposed to be........I feel robbed of this special time - rolling, crawling, learning to stand, by the time these all happen I will be back at work and I will miss it all, its not fair. I scrimped and saved like a mad woman to have almost 12 months off as these things were important to me. Unfortunately I cannot extend my maternity leave. Bailey was already behind in these things anyway (his delayed gross motor issues led us to the DDH and there seems no sign that he will do these things in the brace unlike other babies)
I just dont know what to do..... Maybe I just need to find a way to accept that there is nothing I CAN do, and this is they key - it all seems logical in my mind, but overwhelmingly the emotion keeps over-riding everything
I feel like no-one IRL understands, or they think that as I am coping with the practicalities that I am coping emotionally, and in fairness I have been hiding most of my feelings as I dont want to burden people and when I have let my feelings out I am not finding the support or understanding that I am looking for (and am sooooooooooooo over people telling me that he'll be out of the brace before I know it, and he'll grow up to be healthy, wont remember it etc etc - I KNOW all that, it doesn't help me!). I know he doesn't have cancer and is healthy etc etc, and I know there are always people worse off, but this is our 'worst' situation and I am struggling to accept it, I dont think I will ever accept that this is how my babies first year is supposed to be........I feel robbed of this special time - rolling, crawling, learning to stand, by the time these all happen I will be back at work and I will miss it all, its not fair. I scrimped and saved like a mad woman to have almost 12 months off as these things were important to me. Unfortunately I cannot extend my maternity leave. Bailey was already behind in these things anyway (his delayed gross motor issues led us to the DDH and there seems no sign that he will do these things in the brace unlike other babies)
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