What we did was each come up with a short list of boy and girl names. We gave them to each other, crossed of the ones we didn't like and ranked the rest. We ended up with about 3 names. Then, with DS1, we waited to see what he looked like and chose that name.
If that happens to be the same name your friend has used, then so what? It's about what the child and adult will carry as their identity for the rest of their lives. Not what someone else thinks.
I'm with feeb here. I just think it is in poor taste to use a name - unless you had said to her prior this is the name we have picked & then she used it. We had a couple of boys names picked out for DD#1 and over time others have used them. I won't be using them if this baby is a boy.
This particular name we both had picked since before even meeting each other. It's a fairly common name these days but also has strong family history on my side. We haven't discussed names with any family or friends as we want it to be a surprise for them.
My girlfriend I see once every few weeks where we'll catch up for coffee or meet up at each others place. Our kids will probably be friends but I also think if we have a son, we've got to live with the name for his lifetime - would it really matter if they grew up with the same name? We don't have any friends in common. That would be a definite reason I would then not choose the name or if she was family of course. DH says to still use it as we have had it picked for so long...
If its already a comon name then the chances are you come across a few kids with the same name.
If its a name you both love then use it. A name does not make a child unique, its their personality that does. (Among other things too)
(DD1 has an uncommon name, we thought she would be the only one with it. But no, her best friend has the same name. But as mums, we have discovered that the upside to them sharing names is when they are together its one less name to call out to, etc)
Last edited by beansbeans!; March 11th, 2012 at 08:18 AM.
We found it hard to agree on names also. I like more obscure names, DP not so much. We came up with a short list of boys and girls names (DS was a surprise) and had 2 girls names and 3 boys names we both agreed we liked. In the end, when we saw his little face he just didn't feel like a Heath or an Owen. So Axel it was!! I had my heart set on that name since 9weeks pg. It just popped into my mind one day and wouldn't leave me alone lol.
It still took me 2 days to name him though. I wanted to test out the other names in my mind first. When they asked me if bub had a name for the 50th time, I grabbed my pen and paper (I couldn't speak due to ventilation) and wrote AXEL TIMOTHY. Timothy wasn't even on our list at all. A lady put her hand on my shoulder and whispered 'What about Timothy?' I later found out there was no lady. DP thinks it was the morphine, but I think it was MIL, because that's her brothers name, and we had planned to name a girl after her. I feel her presence often in our home. And when things are hard, I call out to her for help.
Naming a child is such a personal thing. I think if your heart was really set on it, go for it. Depending of course on how close you are with your friend, the likelihood of your kids being playmates, and the obscurity of the name. But really, for me- if someone had taken Axel's name, I would have used it anyway and scolded them for stealing my fantastic idea. But I'm mean like that!!
Can you alter the spelling slightly?
Like using a c instead of a K?
I'd have a small chat with your friend if they are close friends and are likely to spend a great deal of time together and tell her that the name she has chosen is also your chosen name as it is a family name. Explain the family connection and I would gently tell her that you will also be using the name if your child is the same gender.
I was mortified when a friend called her new born daughter the name we gave our dog and with the exact same spelling. Not because I was Oh you can't do that but shocked as she knew our dog had the same name.....not sure I could do that personaly naming a child after an animal but saying that she really liked the name and adored the spelling. As long as she's happy thats the key I guess.
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DP thinks it was the morphine, but I think it was MIL, because that's her brothers name, and we had planned to name a girl after her. I feel her presence often in our home. And when things are hard, I call out to her for help. 
But I'm mean like that!!
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